Ho Ho Butt Oil and Other Stuff

In my current physical environment, I have to be careful.  Every twenty or so steps I take, I like to touch something metal.  If I don't, the resulting *zap* when I touch another person, cat, refrigerator or other electricity conductor could leave a mark and the audible pop is terrifying.  I got a huge shock from the bathroom door one morning.  It was cold, and there is snow on the ground.  And it was early, like 6:30.  I was walking along in my fuzzy slippers, taking my first delicious sips of hot coffee. Thinking about a shower. Thinking about the things I needed to do that day.  Thinking about the yummy homemade oatmeal my husband was making.  I reach for the door and an electric arc jumps from my right ring finger to the doorknob. Yowza!  I jumped, screamed, stepped on the cat's tale and scared Grey in one fell swoop.  I did not, however, spill my coffee.  Let's not be silly.

It's dry here. The air is. The ground has a bunch of snow, in various stages of creation and decomposition.  But the air is so dry that I've considered a humidifier for our bedroom. It's been causing me problems since we moved here in September. I've been fighting it ever since.  Ok, maybe not fighting, but seriously getting peeved about it.

My nose gets stuffy a little easier.  More stuff floating on the breeze. Except that there is no real breeze. Maybe that's the real reason.  In any case, it's important to irrigate your schnozz once in awhile if you live here.  Netti pots and squeezy bottles are easy to come by.  Every once in awhile, Grey will snore gently and I know it's because the climate is much drier. 

My hair sometimes looks like a high school science project with weak electrostatic interactions at the center of the discussion. Unless it's wet, it reaches for and clings to anything that is close by.  When I got a haircut in late September how to keep it from frizzing out so much. 
"Yeah, your hair is kinda angry" She said.
"Angry? I mean, it's red and all but..."
"No, I mean Angry."
"...."
"It's frizzy and split all over the place."
"What do I do?"
"You could try, like, conditioning it."
"I do that.  Deep condition once a week, moisture shampoo and minimize blowdrying."
"Oh." She had to think a little bit. "You could try some serum. Like anti-frizz stuff until your hair calms down.  Something with jojoba oil."
"Hohobaoil?"

Ok, so we went to the Farmer's market and bought some fruity stick-in-your-hair and be kind to the earth granola-style hair serum. It made my hair oily and gross. Grey thought it was funny.
"Ho ho butt oil? I love it!"

Thanks for having my back, buddy. 
I finally found a groove for hair and retaining moisture: I wash my hair every other day and put in a water-based anti-frizz before I blow dry.  It seems to help, though my hairs are all limp sometimes. 

My skin hasn't fared any better.  I have crazy skin anyway.  I had occasional cystic acne until about two years ago, and even though I did everything I could- including two rounds of the oral Retin-A treatments which is awful on the body- I just couldn't shake it.  Then it just cleared up.  I had talked to my doctor about wrinkles, aging, sunlight and hydration and in Oklahoma, she and I decided that really, I should just drink a bunch of water because the rest wasn't a big deal.  Wash my face in the shower and usually before bed.

Not so here.  I have done some research and had to make a few purchases to sort of make my face look fresher than a piece of mummy wrapping.  I mean seriously- I've got large pores, dry spots and kind of this overall tired look lately.  I have to take STEPS to ensure I look fresh as a daisy. And it's exhausting.

1. Wash face twice daily.  The first is Ivory soap and water.  The second is  the same, but thrice a week, I also use an exfoliating scrub. 
2. Apply toner.  I use Noxzema pads because they are easy and no mess.
3. In the morning I use a daily moisturizer with spf 15.  In the evening I use a nighttime heavy moisturizer. 
4. I have a special moisturing foundation now too.  It's called BB Magic Cream something or other. 

For my other non-face skin, I have crazy dry spots.  I can spend a morning itching like crazy or I can remember after every single shower (including a quick rinse off after the gym) to apply a shea butter Vaseline or Jergens type lotion all over.  If I don't get the balls of my feet, my heels and everything between that and my chin, bad shit happens and I have a painful day of feeling like my skin is going to split open.  My hands tend to crack and bleed at the knuckles if I don't do it.  I also use a moisturizing liquidy soap stuff in addition to regular soap. 

All of this is very uncomfortable.  Part of me thinks there is a mistake. I'm too young to even think about this stuff.  I'm still an 11-year-old tomboy, climbing in the branches of a Chinese flower-blooming cherry tree on Penny Creek Road in Quilcene.  Any minute now, my sisters are going to call me inside to introduce me to the wonderful world of breast binding bras. I'd rather turn my attention to going to the gym (which is going great) or finding and eating healthy vegan recipes twice a week (also going great). 

There is an upside to all of this hoopla about hair and skin and moisture. I'm not shocking myself as much.  Can't say the same for the man or the cat.