I woke up this morning with no particular plan in mind. I've finally stopped sleeping for ten hours a day, so perhaps I've made peace with the energy I exerted in keeping up with all I had to do during the school year. I'm breathing, I'm relaxing and I'm getting stuff done around the house.
It was beautiful today so I decided I'd go to the farmer's market off of Porter Avenue. I had to go pick up my car from the shop where they fixed the same thing three times now. I think it's a defect in the Ford ZX2. The owner of the shop, Reggie, is still recuperating a year after his open heart surgery and he shows me the scar every time I go in. He talked this morning about eating more healthfully, so I made a note of it and we discussed a little about vegetarianism.
The market was great. Sunny and open, with lots of local vendors. I have to be careful because sometimes the food is trucked in from long distances. I make a point to buy local but I'm not buying food in Oklahoma when it was grown in California. The farthest I'll buy is Texas and Arkansas. I'd buy from Kansas but they don't have anything I want.... Anyway, there was also a goat show in the arena so I watched awhile, feeling nostalgic and indulging a minor fantasy of having my own sustainable hobby farm. Goats and baby goats are so cute and friendly and inquisitive. But that's a lot of goat poop and I had other things to do.
Luke is officiating a wedding today. He got an online ministerial certification and as a lark, he tells people that he'll officiate their wedding if they'll pay for his suit and a bottle of wine. Three or four have taken him up on it and today is his friend Mike's big day. I'm going too. But we need a present and Luke also had a rehearsal for some band so I volunteered to look up the registry and head to Target for a gift.
I went running, jumped in and out of the shower (oh it's so nice to be in a beautiful, fully-tiled shower now that the remodel is finished!) and realized as I was getting dressed that I had forgotten to shave my legs. I dry shaved. Not ideal, not pretty, but hair-free. No make up. Damp hair flying everywhere. In Target I realized that my dress is pretty much see-through and that every time I took a step, you could pretty much see my entire body. Damn black dresses! So maybe it wasn't so bad but my imagination had been well-caffeinated this morning and I felt naked (or as we Okie's say, Nekked) and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.
Got the car loaded up and who walks up but the ghost of boyfriends past. Before me stood a man who broke my heart in 2006. When we parted, I told him I just couldn't be friends with him. I was suddenly conscious of my lack of make up, white legs, naked dress and hair which was probably frizzed beyond all control in the wind. "Hi Mindie. How are you? You look amazing!" Same smile. All the same, except for me.
I did a quick emotion check. I've learned that I tend to fly off the handle and that if I just acknowledge what I'm really feeling at any given moment, I'll be better off and won't hurt myself or anyone else. I felt pain, but not fresh pain. It was pain wrapped in memories and thrown out with so much detritus. I felt that I had once loved him. And that it would be ok to just stand and talk a moment since there was a lack of panic or resentment. So we talked. He's doing fine. He's glad I'm doing fine. Things seem to be going along fine. Ok, I gotta go. Take care. I smiled. And off I went.
I took some couscous down to Reggie the mechanic and showed him how to make it. He was ecstatic and I will probably take him some simple recipes since he doesn't want to eat red meat anymore. Says it will kill him. And now I'm home and considering my attire for the evening wedding. Luke is wearing a black suit. He'll look good and says he wants to show me off. I'm thinking.... black. Of course, I always wear black.
I think I'm going to need a Tuesday so I can rest up from my weekend.
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