2015

Friends, enemies, people I love and people who tolerate me in their lives...2015 is here. And with that comes my annual review of what the heck I've been doing with my life.  I like to use the time between quarters to take stock and decide what works and what doesn't and what needs to go. I think about my health, spiritual life, relationships, career, and life goals. I also like to pay attention to what I do for fun and relaxation. I'm a real type A personality, so it's also helpful for me to think of what I need to just let go of and what I need to give myself a break on. With that in mind, here are a few things I've come up with.

1. I need to practice more emotional self control. Last year, I decided to stop cussing people out when they drove improperly.  I switched instead to reminding myself that not everyone can pay attention all the time and perhaps that text message or phone call is really important. Instead of cussing out loud, I would say "I hope you make better choices!". Of course, nobody can hear you when you're in another car but it was good for me. My next chore to tackle is to pay attention to my attitude when others behave poorly in public.  I know there is a line and that it's easy to cross and hard to know when to speak up.  For example, I felt comfortable speaking up at the Musee D'Orsay in Paris- the signs clearly show that there is no photography of the art, but two people were repeatedly taking photos. It made other people uncomfortable and frankly, it made me mad. I wish I could have taken pictures of some of the most beautiful paintings I have ever seen. So did the other 300 people around us. Apparently the rules didn't apply to these two people so I did plainly say "there is no photography in the museum" loud enough to catch a docent's attention.

However, it was perhaps not nice of me to intentionally step on the back of a man's shoes at the Eiffel Tower. He did shove me out of the way in line, but perhaps that's no reason to let me temper get the better of me. It did feel good though, because those were nice shoes.

Clearly, I have some work to do here. And I need to be more patient in waiting at restaurants.

2. Cutting out junk. I love junk food. Not typical junk food like pizza or candy or soda. Junk food as in I don't eat very many regular meals. I'm a snacker. I think it would be better to eat a meal than to eat the pieces of a meal. I will just eat a few pieces of cheese, then later a tomato. Then later a piece of bread. Shouldn't I just make a sandwich in the first place?

Having said that, I am also cutting out all soda pop. That's an easy one for me. They are really, really bad for you. Soda often has carbonic acid, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, aspartame in the diet stuff, and all sorts of shit you just don't need to put into your body. Coke is great for cleaning your toilet, just not your insides. Pretty easy; I don't remember the last time I had a soda (like 6 months ago?) and am much more likely to reach for a Monster energy drink- which I will also stop drinking. I think I had three or four last year.

Then there is sugar and additives. I don't eat much sugar on purpose and I like cooking my own food instead of buying prepared stuff. Processed food just isn't good for me and I don't really like chocolate. Here's the real challenge, and try not to laugh: I like to take my daily multivitamins in gummy form.  Yes, I'm a gummy-aholic. If you want me to take medicine, make it something I like and I'm more likely to take it. I take a multivitamin, vitamin D, and a pro-biotic. That's 6 gummies a day. I'm less likely to take a pill, so if you all have suggestions, I'd love to hear them.  Now, those vitamins are in addition to not in place of eating a diet filled with as many vitamins and minerals as I can get.

My other addiction is cheese. I can't get enough of that stuff.  G and I buy three or four packages at Costco every month.

So, more greens, less cheese. And I think I'm going to try adding in more meat into my diet this year. It's kind of yucky to cook and it doesn't taste really good, but I'm going to try for more lean meats. Here's my problem though: I hate chicken, especially chicken legs and stuff with tendons and ligaments and stuff. Barf. May I'll try chicken breast sometime. I'll keep you posted and let you know if that pans out. My favorite local Mexican food place serves a good carnitas platter, which I get from time to time.

In case you just read that last paragraph and thought "I thought she was a vegetarian?!" Yes, I am. I'm a vegetarian because meat tastes yucky and factory farming is an awful, inhumane practice. Actually, we're pescetarians, though I think we eat fish maybe once a month.  There are two stores here in Ellensburg who sell locally grown, humanely treated animal bits. I'd feel ok trying that. No weird growth hormones, no crazy antibiotics shoved into a cow. Whenever possible, we get eggs from my friend Joy, who has lots of happy chicken-pets.

So that means no fast food, which is not a problem. I haven't ordered at a drive-through in a long, long time. No sodas, no pre-packaged stuff from the grocery.  I don't think I'm going to commit to getting away from buying bread. Seriously, I have to have a life. I'm not baking my own damn bread. I think I can do this.

3. Letting it go. G and I don't often disagree but I do like to keep track of what I can do better to listen in tense situations.  One thing I hear is "you need to let things go more".  Now, I am as tenacious as a bulldog. When I get my teeth into something, academically speaking, I see it through to the end. In this way, that's a character asset. In my personal life, I don't let many people close to me so I don't like secrets and I tend to not stuff slide- I get a little too confrontational at times. I know this; I'm working on it. I did a good job a couple of years ago in learning to cut my significant other some slack in relationships. To be clear, I don't think I'm horrible or a control freak (too much). I just think I could do better than I currently am. In practicing, I also give myself a break sometimes and try not to hold my own feet to the fire so much.

4. Sleep. Funny you should mention sleep. I've got insomnia, which I've developed in the last two years. It's stress related, and coffee related and age related. Right now, I can get to sleep just fine, but wake up about 3-4 hours in. Then I'm awake for 3-4 hours, then I sleep again for a bit if I can. There are a few things I absolutely lose sleep over and I plan to knock both of them out in the next few months. With less stress, hopefully I'll be able to be more productive, more happy, and more able to give it a rest (literally).

5. Miles.  This one is fairly easy for me. I want to make sure I get in 35 miles a week for 2015. That's about 1,800 miles for the year. I think I came in at about 1,400 this year. Two miles per day are just walking to and from work, so the rest is about intentionality. One thing that will help is my other resolution: to get a 10 minute mile at least once every month. I'd like to also get at least a couple 9:30 miles, but that depends a lot on air quality and my poor, failing lungs.  I have seen a huge decline in my lungs since I taught at an inner-city middle school which was remodeling while we were in session. They had posted mold and asbestos and I had bronchitis for 10 straight months. It was "not happy". But I'll do the best I can.

6. Speaking of my physical health, I'm going to find it in me to go to a massage therapist from time to time. I always think of this as a major luxury rather than a necessity. I broke down (metaphorically, not literally though it was close) and went to a chiropractor here in town. After 5 or so visits he said I don't really need him anymore but that I'd benefit from massage. I'm doing yoga twice a week right now and that helps, but maybe a massage a few times this year would be nice.

7. Relationships. I always think I have this dialed in, but relationships take effort and work. I'm hoping to do a little better at visiting friends this year, so if you want me to come visit, please invite me. I'll practice saying yes more than no, even though I'm a total homebody introvert lazy bum. I've done a better job of enforcing boundaries with loved ones and at school, but it's hard for me to say "no" when something is easy to say yes to. So, more authentic connections, less overcommitting, and more awesome conversations with people I care about.

Ok, that's it. Seven is a lucky number. I do welcome input, of course.  What are your goals for this year? Do you even make resolutions? I find them helpful but try not to become too attached. Let me know.....

The author in her natural, confused state

10 Things I Love About My Job

Love! 

For the greater part of my life, I have taken jobs that I don't necessarily like or enjoy. Sometimes I have had unpleasant conditions, coworkers or safety challenges.  I've worked in the public school system, prison system, and in bars, hotels and offices.
Sometimes, my job wore me down. I once was a part-time, midnight to 8 waitress in a diner.  The morning shift, of 3 waitresses, never trained me but would actively look for things to criticize me over. I would come from my first job to my second, work all night waiting on drunks and fun college-age kids hanging out and having a good time, and in the morning face the barrage of insults from middle aged women who didn't like the way I cleaned the bathroom. It wasn't the physical ache, but the psychological fatigue that made me quit. As it turns out, those ladies were right- I couldn't handle it.
Sometimes, I just wasn't safe and couldn't count on anyone. On my first day teaching at a men's prison, the lieutenant warned me that if I was ever taken hostage, nobody would negotiate for me and I'd probably be raped and killed. What's more, the security officers didn't really have my back. I relied, ironically, on the inmates for protection.
Sometimes my job made me sick. I taught in a public school in a poor neighborhood. Because of known and posted dust, mold and asbestos compounded by construction during school hours, I had bronchitis for almost 10 months straight. But at least I loved the job that I did (once I was allowed to actually do that).

That pretty much brings us to today. Let's face it: any job where I'm not in any particular danger of being shot at, stabbed, physically intimidated or used in some fashion is a good job to me. I happen to think my job is pretty awesome, which leads me to

10 Things I Love About My Job

1. My co-workers.  I love the people I work with. Every single one has chosen this profession to help people and to be a good person. We all keep our eyes on the prize.  I work with vegans, chicken farmers, people of varied gender expressions and their attitudes are all the same: to build up others. I love this aspect. There are at any given time, 3-7 other women in our office and we all get along. No drama. No bullshit. No intrigue! Really cordial and professional. And they are also competent in their jobs.
2. Location. We are in the Pacific Northwest (USA).  It's less than 2 hours to Seattle, 4 to Portland, 3 to Spokane and 4 to Vancouver, BC. What more could a wanderer want?
3. I get to help people. 'Nuff said.
4. I'm using my actual education and experience to do that. This is a real luxury.
5. I get appreciation for what I do. My boss wrote me a letter telling me what a good job I'm doing. I've been a keynote speaker this last year and I get invited to neat committees.
6. I know people here.  I love that our campus (only 10k students) is a community and that I have been invited to be a part of that.
7. Safety.  It's safe enough here to leave your house unlocked. We lock ours but the only real danger is that some drunk will wander in off the street at 2 a.m. and crash on the couch.
8. Campus is beautiful and close-by. I live a mile from my office and walk to work almost every day. I stop frequently to take pictures of flowers and trees and season fruits that grow on campus. There is even a creek that's part of my morning "commute".  We save a lot of money on gas and only have one car. We really only need one car.
9. Autonomy. I get to set my own hours. I work a lot, but if I have a doctor or hair appointment, it's not a big deal. I get a lot of work done and if I need to, I can work from home. I get to think and put those thoughts into action. I'm accountable, but I have leeway.
10. My best friend is doing this with me. None of those other things would matter as much without G. He made all of this possible, really. I wake up happy in the morning and think about the life we live together. It's good. He helps me do my job too.  He proofreads stuff for me, gives me advice and helped me write a grant proposal in May. We work well together and I like the way he thinks. On Fridays we have lunch together too.

Have a great week!

Sneaky/Happy

I am certain that I mentioned before that I am not a good negotiator.  My husband learned this when we agreed that a certain Friday would be the last day that we would be able to accept an offer from the university.  Then I never communicated that date to them and I didn't get the contract.  My philosophy is that people will do what's right and that they are doing the best they can.

So Grey gave me (and them) an extension until Wednesday.  I communicated this with everything but a bullhorn.  I went behind someone's back.  I cajoled and wheedled.  Wednesday came; Wednesday went.  No contract.  Thursday morning I got the first of the two contracts.  Friday at 4:30, after I posted my blog, I found the second contract in my inbox.

I was so sad.  We'd discussed it.  We had decided.  End of story.  I thought that perhaps it couldn't hurt to forward the contract to him at work and see what he thought.  In the meantime, I was looking forward to some other neat opportunities in Oklahoma at two of the state colleges.  C'mon, I'm a Ph.D.  I can find something relatively easily.  Gulp.  With insurance.  And benefits. That pays ok. As a teacher.  Shoooooooo!

Besides, we already decided a course of action, right?  NO way to change our minds, right?  Stay in comfy, cushy Oklahoma with its mild winters and blistering hot can't-breathe-for-2-months heat that depresses me and makes me want to live on a polar ice cap.  That's the plan.  No way I'm asking Grey to reconsider and please may we move to Washington after I'd already secured an extension.

Thoughts swirled through my tornado brain.  If I have never told you about my tornado brain, it's an amazing and efficient machine.  Any event that happens, my brain likes to imagine the worst case scenario, then whip the event around in my head several times and force a scary and difficult outcome wherein I end up living under an overpass with only Eleanor, a shopping cart and a machete.  Depending on how much I wanted what I didn't get, and sometimes depending on how much I wanted what I did get, it doesn't take long for me to get to the shopping cart scenario.  This time?  Five point two seconds.  With broken down house slippers and a mumu. That's a record of some sort.

By the time Grey got home from work around 6:30, I was in a lather.  I would not wouldnotwouldnot ask him to change our plans.  We were heading out for Norman immediately, so we decided to wait and talk on the way.  Time dragged as he packed his things.  I breathed.  I felt a trickle of sweat slide down the hollow part of my back.  My ear itched; I scratched.  I petted the cat.  He forgot something.  I threw everything (including the cat in her carrier) in the back seat and jumped in.

"So."
"Yep."
"You got the contracts?"
"Yep."
"What do you want to do?"
"..."
"Huh?"
"I said that's not fair.  We decided.  I am not asking to change the course of action."
"Oh."  He thought for a moment.
"Well, what do you want to happen?"  I smelled a trap.
"That's not fair.  I want to know what you think too." He smiled. Grey has a regular smile, a 5,000 watt smile and a sly smile.  This was his sly smile.
"Yeah, I'll tell you what I want.  You first."
"I think we already decided.  I think we should stay in Oklahoma."
"But what do you Want?"
"I want to go to Washington."
"Ok. Let's go."
"Whoa buddy. Input first. You can't just make pronouncements without telling me what's on your mind.  I need your thinking."  Again, Grey smiled his sly smile.  The middle of his lips stay put but the corners go up exponentially, creating a deep V that makes his eyes crinkle a little.  It's...fetching. My heart always beats a little faster when he smiles like that.
"I was thinking that giving them a Wednesday deadline was likely to get a contract by Friday."  By Friday?  My brain tornadoes.  Wait. What?  So he..
"Did you play me?"
"Uh, yeah."

He tricked me.  He gave me a Wednesday deadline so that I would become a hard-nosed negotiator because he knew I would be frantic.  Oh! I never!  How.... Effective.  Oh and he lied to me!  I spent almost .03 seconds being mad at being so easy to predict.  Then I realized that we are moving to Washington.

We are moving back to Washington! Yay!

Yay for beaches and mountains and Canada and Seattle and sisters and nieces and nephews and hiking and a blue state!

Looking out from Port Angeles

Quilcene Bay, 2011
On a clear day, you can see forever

Mt. St. Helens

Port Angeles, Washington

Sand Dunes, Port Townsend, Washington

Lake Hefner

I've been meaning to take Pippi out for a ride.  Pippi is my bicycle, a white Schwinn with upright handles and a bell that goes "ding dong" when you hit it.  She's been in the garage for far too long.  So today was the day.  I had to find a new nut for a screw to hold one of her beautiful silver fenders in place and that involved a trip to Ace Hardware, a conversation with someone who did not work there, then someone who did, then me finding the replacement.  Good thing I remembered to take the screw with me.  It's metric. Pippi is metric, if you wondered.

I go to Lake Hefner a lot lately.  It's only a few miles from the house and the 9.5 miles is a great long walk, jog or easy bike ride.  You don't have to go the whole way around and when I take dogs, I don't.  Generally they go about a mile and a half on warm days, and they get to jump into the water and wallow in the red mud.  Makes my little suv look pretty and smell nice...

Anyway, today was a Pippi day.  I like this bike because it reminds me not to take things so seriously, to relax and have fun.  I'm pretty competitive, as we all are, and you just can't race on a Schwinn.  Pippi is more than a bike- she is a mindset of stopping to smell the roses and remembering to notice and smile at the little things.

There are four parts to Lake Hefner, in my estimation.  I park off of Britton Road, which is on the northeast side.  Then I head south.  This first part is the "Look at me" part of the trip.  There are always people at the restaurants on the side of the trail and those who wish to be seen exercising usually concentrate themselves in this area.  It's the guy running with his shirt off, stopping to do some push-ups by the outdoor seating area at Louie's, or the tall and willowy lady with make up, spandex and a sports bra jogging slowly past as though she were in a condom commercial.  There are the rest of us regular people, wearing baggy shorts and tee shirts, women with our ponytails at odd angles and bobby pins falling out and heavy-set men huffing past.  I don't think anyone can see us past the "look at me's" and that's probably a good thing. I generally sweat a lot when I'm at the lake and I don't want to be noticed.  I want to sweat.  I go past this area as quickly as possible and like to start out here first, in case I see anyone I know.    The landscape is very pretty here too- you can walk up to the fake lighthouse, watch the sunset and the windsurfers and para-gliders on a windy day.  The wind, if you're traveling south, is in your face and sometimes a challenge to keep going.

The next part is the lush and green part of the trail.  You'll find a lot more trees on the south side of the lake, with little inlets for fishing, boat ramps and the model airplane field.  In the evenings, you'll see the little skunk that lives there and during the day, when the sun is beating down, the trees offer some protection.  Once you get to the southwest corner, you'll see the Fire Station.  In the late afternoons and evenings, the firemen play basketball on the court outside of their building.  I like to time my run/walk/voyeurism/bike ride to coincide with this event as often as possible.  Who doesn't like firemen?

Part three is the golf course.  This may be the most annoying part of the voyage.  You have to run practically the whole length of the course to get around and you lose sight of the lake at the same time.  Usually you can see from one side to another, like the lake is a giant bathtub, but in this part, all you get is a view of people chasing a ball, only to hit it again.  It brings out the socialist in me, to be honest.  I pass the time by plotting what I could with all that land.  I'd build a huge homeless shelter where the residents live for free.  What isn't taken up with living space would be a garden and agricultural center, plus a small school... *Thunk*!  A golf ball hits smack down in front of me.  It misses me by less than a foot.  Some yutz has hit it clean off the course.  I give him and his ugly-pants wearing party the stink eye and try to continue on my way, but they want me to retrieve the ball for them.  Then they want me to join them for a drink.  I say unkind and hateful things, words that might kill a sensitive man.  Unrepeatable in polite society.  But these are golfers and it's a good bet that they are drunk anyway.  And they almost hit me.  I hear one whimper as I go by. Later, I feel guilty, but in the moment I am a sanctimonious asshole and they must pay for their capitalistic greed and gluttony.

The last part of my escapade is the north side.  The wind has returned.  On the east side of the lake the wind seems to blow north if you're going south.  On the west side, it seems to blow south if you're going north.  I have tried reversing my route, but it only makes the wind do the same.  If you go to Lake Hefner, you're going to be going against the wind no matter which direction you take.  This part of the lake is closest to the water and is about three miles of treelessness.  I refer to it as "gnat central".  No matter when you are there, keep your mouth closed- breathe through your nose- and wear sunglasses.  I don't care if it's 11 p.m.  It's the best way to keep the gnat clouds out of your mouth and eyes.  I once was riding and caught a gnat on an inhale.  Could feel him stuck in my lung, screaming for help, doing the backstroke and drowning in mucous.  It burned.  I felt bad for him.  That was in 2005 and I bet in a spelunking expedition you could find his corpse embedded in an alveoli or something.  The North side of the lake also has a different clientele than the other parts.  It's accessible easily by car and it's by the water so there are all sorts of fisherpeople out, sitting on the ripwrap, fishing for catfish or other thingies.  Others park and get high and Oklahoma City's finest make frequent drive-bys.  Last time I walked the lake I was picking up trash (all walks should involve this activity, btw) and declined to pick up the bent and burnt spoon.  Gnat Central is sort of a tough neighborhood.

Riding Pippi today was a new adventure.  I always had a mountain bike before, and tried for a certain time. I pushed myself.  Today I looked around a little more.  I was passed by a load of hammerheads.  A hammerhead is a cyclist whose bike costs more than my car.  They have those special shoes and spandex gear with a Camelbak.  The helmets are pointed in the back, making them look a little sharky.  And they do laps around me.  Sometimes I got the backwards glance from a hammerhead, like "what the hell are you doing here?", or maybe they were just jealous.  After all, I have the big butt seat on my bike and they have to wear padding on their trousers to make their seats comfortable.  My seat has all the padding I need.  Just for fun, I rang my bicycle bell at someone.  And I was passed by a hipster on a rickety-looking Huffy.  "Nice bike", she said.  "Thanks!"  I'm pretty sure I beamed.

No matter what I've been doing, the last thousand yards of my journey are the best.  I can see the car and my swollen hands and thirsty mouth don't matter anymore.  The salt from all that sweat drying on my neck has ceased to itch and the sunburn I inevitably suffer stops burning for a minute or two: I've made it. I'm not going to die from this.  I get to go home and drink all of the water in the world.  I pat Pippi on the handle bars.  Great job.  Let's do it again.