Mental Illness in Society

I was at the Student Union and Recreation Center- The SURC- at school yesterday.  G and I often eat lunch together and then visit the coffee shop to look out the window and sip steaming beverages.  Sometimes we go for a walk and sit in the Japanese garden.  It's nice and peaceful and we know most of the people. I love routine, and I especially love healthy routines.

Yesterday during lunch, a young man stood on the second floor and began screaming about the end of the world, world war three and other such ideas and threatened to jump.  He was clearly having a break of some sort.  I felt bad for him. Two police officers tried to escort him out but he was clearly resistant. I would be too, if I were that scared and disoriented and suddenly being touched and having to do things against my will.  It would be worse if he'd been arrested before.  Probably he has been. In all, it took 6 officers to sort of gently get him to go with them.  I called my friend Joy who is a counselor on campus and she was waiting for a directive to go see him.

It's sad that in our country we have such little concern for mental illness. That the medicine he might need is out of reach because he doesn't have a job or insurance.  He can't get either of those things without medicine.  It's a cycle impossible to break without intervention.  At least 20% of prison inmates suffer from untreated mental illnesses.  We pretend mental illness is awful and stigmatize it or dismiss it so that we don't have to pay for it as a country.  Then we pay for the human cost and the violence and the inevitable incarceration.  It is not humane.

I don't excuse myself either.  I know people with mental illness. I love people who are regularly sick.  Their brains don't work as well or on the same track as others and they have to hide it and feel bad as though there is something unlovable about themselves.  This could so easily be me and in the early spring it is me, depressed at the end of winter and waiting for March to pass.

Every person is lovable and deserving of love and compassion. That young man in the SURC certainly is and if I don't have compassion for him, then perhaps I don't have enough compassion for myself either.

"Why don't they just tase him?" said a young woman.  Others nearby snickered.  He was making a bit of noise and people were nervous.  They just wanted him to go away.  I couldn't help myself.  "Why on God's green earth would you tase someone?  He's not violent."  "Well, it won't hurt him," she said.

Yes, it would hurt him.  When you are tased, even a healthy adult without a pacemaker on a low level, you lose control of your bowels and bladder and it's absolutely humiliating. This man is already being dragged out of a public place by the police. Why add to that?

As a society, we need to stop using violence as our go-to option.  Let's try reason, compassion and perhaps a little understanding.  The campus police were calm and as gentle as they could be, using only minimal force.  I know because I watched the whole time.  I'm glad they didn't hurt him.  He needs help instead.

I don't often moralize on this blog, but I hope today that you are good to yourself, that you show compassion to others, and think of kindness before violence.

Recover

I thought that since last week was so stressful and dramatic, I'd comment on my very calm and casual weekend.

Basically, we recovered.  It's been hot, so most of our activities are in the evenings when it cools off.  I'm tired of the 90 degree days.  I want snow!!

Is it snowing yet? How about now? Are we there yet? 

We went out to dinner on Friday to celebrate "I'm not unemployed!".  We got home around 7:30 and I was exhausted, so I waited until about 10 and went to bed.  G ended up staying up reading most of the night and slept in the next day.  I didn't want to wake him so I figured a day of self-care was in order.  I worked out, colored my hair, painted my toes and did a face mask.  Stuff G doesn't need to be a part of, though we do loved exercising together.  I called and talked to my dear, dear Charlotte for over an hour.  That lady is good for my soul.

Once he got up, we just lounged around and spent a relaxing day doing very little.  Again, I had a rough day with my tummy so I went to bed early.  I mean, that was it. Just relaxing and talking and watching movies and being silly. Just what I needed.

We got up reasonably early on Sunday.  It was sunrise service and began at 6:30 a.m. and so we just stayed home.  Last Sunday I did my once monthly book club meeting with the high school kids and we had 3 other adults come too so it was a great conversation about the book "The Girl Who Fell From The Sky" by Heidi Durrow.  So this Sunday we just chilled out. We went shopping and found two awesome chairs at Goodwill from Ethan Allen.  One of them needed glue, so they were marked at $5 each.  I have glue and know how to use it.  So we did and I did and it was pretty darn awesome.

I know you've all been wondering how Eleanor is doing.

That cat will never die. Not if I have anything to say about it.

She's been terribly sick.  When I started her on the thyroid medicine, she was throwing up and just not hungry or thirsty.  She rapidly lost weight and my veterinarian was looking at me like "she ain't gonna bounce from this".  Yeah right. I took out all of her hard food and put her on canned, then bought her a bunch of crunchy treats and a few cans of tuna for variety.

It may seem excessive that I'd get up three times per night to feed her, but if I didn't, she would vomit uncontrollably.  And a week later, the vomiting was gone.  A few days after that, I stopped feeding her at night.

And now, a month later, she's gained weight and is probably back to her pre-sickness weight.  She gets her food thrice daily (sometimes four times if she plays her cards right) and gets her medicine twice a day.  It's Prednisone, thyroid medicine and an anti-vomiting medication called Metrocloprimide.  And we have a special way of doing it.  I sing the "It's medicine time" song, then pet her and give her two pills and the dropper of Metrocloprimide, then pet her some more and sing the "Medicine time is over" song and snuggle with her until she purrs.  Please don't judge me. I'm afraid to lose my 17 year old kitty and will do anything in my power to keep her healthy.  Yes, I know it's excessive to some people.  The whole operation takes less than 5 minutes and I think it amuses G to no end.  Not that he'd own up to it.

Why do you insist on pilling me? It's torture! 

In any case, there was a big football game last night.  Seahawks versus 49ers.  Huge rivalry.  Since moving back to Washington, I've renewed my fandom for both the Mariners (that's baseball) and the Seahawks.  I love our Seattle teams.  Alright, I love the OKC Thunder too, but don't tell my Washington friends.  But big game night.  I wanted to watch the game, so I invited my husband to go to a restaurant and eat and watch the game.  He agreed.  My husband hates sports. Sports aren't really his thing to watch, but he went anyway and was very pleasant.  I asked him about it, because I could have certainly called my girlfriends and said I wanted to go with them.  But he said the sweetest thing.  G spent his life around women.  He's a great listener and I encourage those female friendships as much as his male friendships.  You know what he says? He says he doesn't want me to have to feel like my husband doesn't take an interest in my interests.  Frankly, I don't mind that he doesn't enjoy sports, but I do just love him for being willing. Best. Husband. Ever.

Honey, the screen is behind you.  Oh, never mind. 

So we went and ate and I had a beer.  Kind of unusual for me, but it's football.

And just five minutes after we got home, it started to rain.  There was a storm front moving in.  And it heralds the first days of real fall.  Not a hint, not a whiff here and there in the mornings, but real fall.  No more days over 80 in the 10-day forecast.  "And in this moment, among us has broken the reaping season."  We sat on the porch and just watched it rain for awhile.  I sipped chamomile tea and, as it seems to be our custom, we counted our blessings together.  

Break out the sweaters! 

So there you have it. A reprieve from stress and a bunch of rest.  Next Friday I'll take Eleanor in for her follow up appointment to check her thyroid.  The medicine seems to depress her voice, but she has her ways of getting our attention.  As soon as I know something else about the job thingy, I'll let y'all know.  Until then- let's just say no news is good news.

Gratitude

Life has been a bit of a bummer lately. Eleanor the kitty has been sick, and she has had to start a new medicine for her thyroid. As she gets older, or older than the old-as-dirt she is now, I have had to contemplate her eventual demise. I hate that.  She's been my only true constant for the last 17 years.  I was talking to my sister, Patti, about the bloodwork. She said "You know what they're going to tell you? They're going to tell you that it's unnatural for a cat to live that long!"  But still, every morning she wakes me up and we cuddle.  I carry her downstairs for a drink of water and some breakfast.  Then medicine and back upstairs so I can dress and do my hair.  She sometimes give me an opinion on an outfit.  Sometimes I just drug her with catnip.  We have similar routines for after work and evening and she has stuff that she does with G now too.  It's a lovely life.

The thought of not having that makes me need to breathe in a paper bag.  She seems to be responding to the medicine, but still isn't eating much.  This morning was the most she's eaten- a quarter of her canned food.  She has turned her nose up at the most tempting foods- yogurt- and the holy grail of her existence, canned tuna.  Hopefully this week she will get back towards normal.

So, in the meantime, I have to manage my anxiety.  The best thing I can do is make a gratitude list. If you're not familiar, a gratitude list is a list of specific things for which one is thankful.  It helps to see the beauty and kindness of one's everyday life and gives focus to the positive.  So here we go, things I am thankful for:

1. Seeing old classmates last weekend that I haven't seen in 20 years.
2. Flip flops.
3. Old fuzzy kitties and a patient husband.
4. Fall is coming!
5. G seems pretty ok with his new job and we both get to walk to work.
6. Health insurance. We both have it. And a roof over our heads and electricity and food. And we don't have to worry about those being in jeopardy.
7. Family. I've been able to reconnect with my nieces and nephews this year. I hope they come visit sometime. I'm going to include friends here to, since most of them are as close as family.
8. Working out lately with my friend Kim and enjoying it- even at 7 a.m.
9. So far, everyone in our family has good health. And we had three healthy babies born this year; two on my side, one on G's side.
10.  Travel. We have gone on several day trips and a few overnighters.  We're heading out again on Saturday.  There is a lot to do and love about Washington and Oregon. How could we not take advantage?

Ok, I'm feeling better. See? It works.  What are you most grateful for? Leave a note in the comments!