Exodus

This quarter at school, I've had a lighter load than usual. I thought "Oh I'm going to get so much done. So much writing, so much planning, and it's going to be an easy time."

I was wrong. I ended up spending most of my free time on Facebook and having to rush to do my grading. My students and I deserve better from me.

So, I pulled the plug. Just turned it off.

Almost immediately, I got three inquiries from friends and loved ones who were concerned about my health. That made me feel good, but it's not enough for me to turn it back on.

And I feel better. I'm getting more stuff done, like yoga, visiting with friends and attending lectures. And I'm writing more now too.

I've given this two weeks, and week one has been great. I'll let you know how week 2 goes. I may not reactivate the account.

You know, because life.

And now I have more time to.......:

Walk in the park

Feel annoyed that there isn't more snow

Brush my hair

Make breakfast!

Attend concerts (photo by permission from Canadian Brass)

Get mah workout on

And watch this guy Facebook

We Find Comfort Among Those Who Agree With Us

Well, I ended up with 18 students for the Saturday screening of "The Hunger Games".  ((Warning: Spoilers ahead.  Nothing earth-shattering but you ought to know)) It was great! Grey was nice enough to go with me, as was my friend Kristen and my student teacher and her husband.  The kids were good as gold and there were several times during the movie that we looked over at each other to make faces in reaction to one scene or another.

There was much talk afterwards with one of the girls- the other kids scattered. She gave a blow-by-blow comparison that would make Ebert proud.  And yesterday at lunch the buzz was all positive.  It went something like this: We all want to take up archery, Katniss was a little too healthy (it *is* the Hunger Games, after all) and they blazed through Peeta being hurt. Rue was perfectly played.  Cinna was great and Haymitch wasn't quite drunk enough and he didn't even puke once.  There was not as much gory stuff in the movie. For instance, in the book, Katniss shoots one person in the neck. He pulls the arrow out and drowns in his own blood.  Pretty gory; pretty graphic.  The rating is PG-13 though so they had to rein it in a bit.  Also, the love triangle angle isn't as played up as it is in the book, though it is heavily suggested.

It was just a good time.

I came across an article from Jezebel on how some movie-goers were outraged, disappointed or thought that the movie was "ruined" because the actor playing Rue is Black.  So is Thresh and so is Cinna, but this was not such a big deal. Rue is an angel in the book and dies a horrible death.  White readers often conjure up a picture of innocence- wherein the child is then imagined to be White. This unconscious racism led to the "outrage" because the demographic of viewers felt they had "wasted their emotions" on a child who is not blonde haired and blue eyed.  I'm pretty sure that skin tone or follicle variations have fuck-all do to with innocence, purity, vulnerability or the brutality of oppression depicted in book. So I posted the link on my Facebook, like I often do.  I'm just going to post the screen shots of what transpired.  My take is that it was an interesting discussion- veering towards colorblindness. Colorblindness is "the idea that ignoring or overlooking racial and ethnic differences promotes racial harmony."  Color blindness perpetuates racism passively.  The person who is color blind usually believes that they are helping by ignoring race but the opposite is true.  It's very difficult to convince White people of this, by the way.

The sentiment on my post was more or less that I stir things up by talking about racism in my classroom.  I want to listen to stuff like that.  It helps me to think before I speak in my classroom and helps me frame my perspective.  I don't agree that I'm making something out of nothing, but I do at least want to take people's ideas into consideration.  


However, I think it's fair to observe that I was personally attacked. Someone I considered a friend said some pretty hateful things.  Over the last few months, he has had a tendency to jump into things, posting rather vehemently and taking me or others to task for our discussions.  On MY Facebook page. No inbox messages, not seeing me in person over the last six months or so.  Just progressively angry replies and what I have come to think of as trolling on my wall.  I stopped paying attention when he would say things because I assumed he was just trying to get a reaction.  But last night's post was different.  He accused me of "reverse racism" and stereotyping and being a generally hateful person.  Did I mention that he is a White conservative male?  For the first time, I removed someone's comments from my page.  The first I took down as it was a bunch of snarling. The second accused me of censoring him.  How dare I remove those nasty remarks?!


I am really bothered by this.  I am pretty careful about my rhetoric.  Sometimes people post things to my wall that are of interest and sometimes I post things too, but it's more to open dialog (which often happens).  I looked through my postings for the last few weeks.  A re-post of a friends blog, posts about spring break being awesome and some of the friends I've gotten to see lately.  Pictures of animals, the grass, my boyfriend, some bragging about homemade blueberry pancakes (I make some pretty good gluten-free blueberry pancakes if you ever need some) and one post calling the governor  a jerk for skipping out on the Oklahoma state visit by the president.  That one I should not have said.  Instead of saying "The governor is a jerk", I should have said she was behaving like a jerk.  I also jokingly said that I could tolerate a few conservatives.  Taken out of context, it could sound bad.  And a "conservative" friend had it out with me and we came to consensus.  But seriously, that's the worst of it.   I stayed up all night wondering what the hell I did to deserve such vitriol.  Do I hate Oklahomans? Do I blindly hate conservatives? I asked a few people.  My friend Cathy offered her opinion and I like to listen to what she has to say because she has known me for so long.  Grey thought my friend was completely off base, as did a few others who messaged me. 


For the record, I do not post negative things on his Facebook page and never rant on for multiple paragraphs.  I just don't- it's his page and I don't doggedly chase people down and try to make them see my logic because I'm so fucking right.  Because you know what? I'm not always right and that's ok.  I defriended my friend, saying that maybe it was better to be friends in real life only.  I received quite a long and thought-out reply in response, detailing such things as my dissertation giving me tunnel vision and ending with this: 


"Americans, Oklahomans, Conservatives and people who do not like the lack of integrity of our president. I belong to all of these groups, when you belittle those groups, or question their intelligence, class or character, because they hold a different opinion, it offends many people who you call friends. Again, this is only my opinion. I am sure I will re-read this many times, questioning if I have been open-minded. I have done screenshots on many of your posts over the last year or two, and still feel the same, for now anyway. I wish you the best of luck in your teaching, I pray your teaching is never filled with the same hate, which you fight so hard to stop."


I do tend to question people's class and character,  though I do it from my Facebook wall and not by poking my finger in someone's chest.  Ok, maybe I have been to more than a few protests.  And who are these many people?  As far as I know, we know maybe three people in common.  Did they contact him and call a committee meeting to discuss how offended I make them and what can be done to save me? And why the screen shots? In case I run for Congress or something? Will he need them in my murder trial? I have never picked a fight with a group, though I have responded strongly to something or another that a group has perpetuated.  And I've been thinking about it all day long.  Was he just trying to gas-light me? 


"The Gaslight Effect results from a relationship between two people: a gaslighter, who needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world; and a gaslightee, who allows the gaslighter to define her sense of reality because she idealizes him and seeks his approval."  

If this is true, then it ultimately failed. I don't think he did that on purpose.  I know what abusive people are like and generally, they fall into two categories. The first is the oblivious category and the second is the purposeful manipulation category. Both people should be avoided.  The veiled threat of him documenting my Facebook postings, saying how much i offend people, saying how open-minded he hopes he is being and how I offend "many people" I call friend.  The nail though, is in reference to my teaching.  That's where I go "Whoa the fuck up there, Lone Ranger".  I have been teaching for a long time. I have lots of degrees in pedagogy and shit like that.  I am observed on a regular basis and administrators in the district really enjoy visiting my classroom.  My materials are reviewed, my lesson plans are all on the desk at all times and my students exhibit happy behaviors, lack of fear of me and gains in reading.  Oh, and 18 of them came to watch a movie with me last weekend.  

Oh, wait, time out.  Didn't that last line say that I fight hard to stop hatred? 

So I blocked him. 

But let me say this: I don't think he is inherently a bad person.  I just don't. I just don't think he sees me clearly. Or perhaps I don't fit with his world view.  It's ok; I'm just going to let it be. 

You may see me write negative things from time to time.  I get angry with the way we humans behave towards each other, towards children, towards the environment and towards lesser creatures.  We humans, me included.  I am not exempt from bad behavior or a poor attitude from time to time.  I might insult a politician or kick a puppy, you never know.  If 15 years of college have taught me anything, it's that I don't know everything and that I can both make mistakes and learn.  

But I do know a few things.  

1.  I know that I won't stop talking about issues that bother me.  Maybe I can re-frame things to make them more palatable, but I won't not talk about things like inequality, racism, sexism, politics, gun laws, abortion or flying to the moon. 

2. Talking about issues of racism makes me neither a "White guilt" sufferer, nor a "reverse racist". Nor does it give me tunnel vision.  Frankly, my dissertation served to broaden my vision.  

3. Talking about issues of sexuality and sexual politics does not make me a man-hater. 

4. I have a right to be angry. I have a right, on my own social media page, to post and discuss these issues. I have never censored anyone before and often welcome and learn from the spirited dialog. As far as I know, the SPLC has not classified me as a hate group. 

5. I'm actually not that combative. I post things that are hopeful, that are kind, that remind me of people I love and that hopefully encourage others.  I post pictures of flowers.  I work in a helping profession and the things I do can help make a difference, even in a small way.   I like making blueberry pancakes and kissing and taking kids to the movies and the right for all women to make their own reproductive choices. 

Frank A. Clark once said "We find comfort among those who agree with us; growth among those who do not". I agree with him.  But then sometimes there comes a time when  you just gotta pick up your toys and books and go home.  

What Westboro Baptist Church Can Teach Us About Peace

This semester in my Composition classes, the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) was often the topic of conversation. In a unit on rhetorical analysis, I used their website to teach analytical tools. From the upside down flag to the music, page layout, words and blatant appeal to emotions, the WBC people seem like a cartoon because they are so overdone.If you don't know what the WBC is, they are a small group of people- mainly the family of the leader, Fred Phelps, who came to national attention for their protest of the funeral of a young man killed in a hate crime in Laramie, Wyoming. Matthew, a gay college student, was lured into a truck with two men whose sole intent was to rob him. They drove him outside of town, beat him, took his wallet and shoes and tied him to a fencepost. Eighteen hours later, he was found by a bicyclist who thought he was a scarecrow until he saw the chest moving from Matthew's labored breathing. Matthew later died in the hospital and both perpetrators are still in prison. The WBC put a counter on their website- back when the world wide web was gaining popularity and not all bumper stickers had a website address on the bottom- with the "number of days that Matthew Shepard has been burning in hell" for being gay. The WBC bases their gospel and teaching on sex, mainly that it's the worst thing in the world to be gay and most of the bad things that happen are because of either being gay or supporting those who are gay. The church also discusses the opposite of love, which they claim is hate and decided to protest Matthew Shepard's funeral. This caused a national outpouring of opposition. Then Westboro decided to picket all sorts of events, from Fred Phelps is an attorney and he does do a good job of defending his group and winning challenges under the auspices of Freedom of Speech. These days the group focuses on homosexuality and soldiers killed in combat.

This makes the group easy to discuss from a rhetorical standpoint so I use them. You can imagine the reactions, ranging from outrage to a desire to shut the group down and discussions of burning at the stake and large caliber artillery. Then come the thoughts on

the differences between morality and democracy and decency. Once students get past their emotions, which can take some time, we attempt to discern the true purpose of the group and how powerful they really are.

The WBC has been active in Oklahoma this year, staging numerous protests against homosexuality and those who accept what I know to be a naturally occurring phenomenon. They decided in November to picket in McAlester, Oklahoma, at a funeral for a young man killed in combat. The unit on rhetorical analysis was over, but my students brought the protest to my attention. They asked for extra credit for attending the counter-protest, which is a common practice anytime the WBC people show up anywhere. Sure, I'll be happy to give you chump change as an excus

e to go see some real life up close and personal. Go right ahead and jump outside of your comfort zone. Four students went to the protest and reported back on the six prot

esters from WBC - including two children- and the thousand or so counter-protesters. The police had to surround the protesters to protect them from the citizenry. Lots of news and media hype. Someone slashed two of the tires on the church van, and nobody in town would fix the flats so the WBC had to have their van towed to a nearby Walmart. The students were giddy. We had discussions in class about the ethical dilemma of free speech and slashing tires (or worse).

I offered that if I had been there and had the opportunity, I would have endeavored to stop anyone from causing harm to the WBC people. No way, said the students. They got what they deserved.

But there are reasons and deserve has nothing to do with it. Chief among these reasons is that I remember the life and teachings of Dr. King. When effecting social change, we have got to follow the four steps of direct action and always act peacefully, taking full responsibility for our actions. It's cowardly to sneak up like a guilty thief and slash someone's tires. It takes no responsibility and works agains

t peace. How? Because in doing so, we justify the hateful actions of that group. They now have something to point to in order to further their own argument. He who angers you, controls you. And in taking a non-peaceful action, you negate your own efforts to restore sanity and serenity in the world.

Unless sanity and serenity and peace are not your primary intentions. In that case, go nuts.

The WBC decided to hold a couple of protests in Norman last weekend. The first was at Harvest Christian Church to protest women speaking in church and women pastors. The second was at Trinity Baptist and the third at Journey Church, to spew the regular hateful rhetoric. I put out a call on Facebook for friends to join me in counter protest. Three ladies showed up, one with her two little girls. We took our signs and attended the counter protests.

The first one was fine. There were only five or so WBC people and about fifty of us, including some bikers, some high school kids and assorted feminists. Women were the most prevalent, and we concentrated on slogans of peace and love and acceptance for all, and in enjoying the fellowship. At

the second protest, there were a lot more people, from bikers and Army wives and children to Zombies holding signs proclaiming "I was promised brains". The mood was almost prurient, with many people getting too close to the protesters and emotions running very high. I brought two dozen donuts and passed them out as though we were all at a picnic. I used the opportunity to diffuse emotions and met a friend I only knew through FB. Mr. David Slemmons, outlaw poet and peaceman extraordinaire. Another friend, a former student, attends Trinity and was glad to see me. I was glad to see her too. The thing is that the WBC people feed off of negative emotions. That's why they carry offensive signs, wear upside down flags that they walk on and sing ridiculous songs about death and destruction. They are easy to hate and they want that hate. I'm certain that they don't even believe their own rhetoric. Today on their website they had slogans proclaiming their gratitude for breast cancer. Huh?

This group is not that powerful. They are only fifty people strong, if that. They are easy to resist because they are so ridiculous. It's just like anything in life: an exercise in not taking it personally.

One of my students called me from Bowlegs, Oklahoma. Yes, it's a real place. The semester is over, but the WBC was coming to his town to protest the funerals of three of his friends killed in a car accident. In a car accident. Why does this require a funeral? Same reason they wanted to protest the death of a little girl who died in a house fire: retribution for slashing tires. There are always consequences of our actions. My student commented that he thought there would be a rumble, since "everyone in Bowlegs is armed." Perhaps with this one, the WBC has bitten off more than they can chew. They may have the legal right to protest, but eventually their luck will run out and someone is going to get more than a slashed tire and a punch to the face. They have already had their church attacked (from which they drew much media attention) and he worried that there would be even more problems.

I advised him to attend the counter protest if he wanted but to suggest that people focus on drowning out the WBC and keeping the attention where it needs to be- on the family of his friends and their time of grief. I knew that the bikers would show up to drown them out and that others would come to join hands and somehow create some peace from the chaos. I reminded him of Dr. King and how in his letter from Birmingham Jail, he said that "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." I think this experience will stay with him for some time. I know it will stay with me.

In times of great inequity, injustice and blatant disregard for what is right, it matters what we do and how we act. Our children will follow the example we set since they will ultimately enact our principles.

Peace.

Gratitude

My head spin sometimes with all of the work and obligations and pleasurable things I want to do in a day. Right now I'm pretty tired. I went to work, then mowed the lawn, then went to class until 10 tonight. Tomorrow I'll get up at 5 and do it again before lining up my work for the weekend.

I'm tired and I've got a lot to do before mid-December. I don't have time to go to a chiropractor for my neck. I need to find a roommate before I'm left eating top ramen for the next four months. Yes, being a professor-for-hire doesn't pay as well as you might think. I have 5 pages due Wednesday that I've not started. I hope my advisor isn't reading this. I need to sell that Miata so I can pay my tuition. I'm using this weekend to grade papers. Again. I should be preparing for general exams.

Frankly, I'm not entirely certain that I can pull this off. So, I am giving myself a little pep talk. It always works, always. All I have to do is think of things for which I am grateful.

I thank the moon and stars above for the solace and sanity of my friends. Old and new, male and female, they are the ones jumping over the edge to catch me. Sometimes they shake me a little and say "quit being so uptight. It's just a deadline." I scoff but relax a little in my uptight little shell. They also have problems and call me for a bit of sanity so we have to make it up as we go along. I like that part too.

I'm grateful for Michael Jackson because he makes me feel normal. Really normal and really fucking boring. I like that too.

I'm grateful for health- for me for my family and friends and for their families. I may not have time for a doctor but at least right now I have insurance! Two people I care about have family members in the hospital right now and I'm pulling for them too. The good thing about love is that it's not just restricted to people you know well. It's like Facebook; friends of friends can have some too. I'm glad that it also works both ways. My grandpa died this time last year. That anniversary is coming up quickly. I remember the outpouring of love and support and grace given to me by my friends and their loved ones. I found that accepting the care and love of another person is terribly comforting. Don't laugh; it's not in my nature to expose emotional needs to anyone. But I've been learning and I hope to remain open and not closed to kindness and care for myself. That's a blessing in itself.

The list goes on; my car works, my cat is fine and doesn't puke a whole lot these days; I have a roof over my head. One niece had a baby this year and another just got married and is pregnant. Another niece got married too. And pretty much everyone is doing fine. None of my teeth have fallen out and I've got a great day of teaching planned for tomorrow. I'm going to use Jimi Hendrix and the Dixie Chicks to discuss the use of rhetoric. I'm employed, I'm a student (which is what I hope to always be) and I live in America.

I love being an American. My brothers and sisters go out and fight and die and keep me safe. My freedom of speech is protected through the efforts of others. And I've never had to seriously question it. This is not to say that I've never royally stuck my food in my mouth. Because I have, at least twice today. But thank God for grace because I'm still standing.

Not a bad night. Now, speaking of lesson plans and nights, I have to get up in five hours. Thanks for reading.