At my middle school, testing season is almost over. Next week we will have make up tests and that's it for the year. Things got thrown into panic mode since we were set to do paper and pencil tests for the 7th graders and at the last moment the state department said we had to do computerized testing. We only have about 50 computers in the school and 500 students. It wasn't a nightmare but the counselor had never arranged this sort of thing before so we all suffered a bit. Both the administrator and the monitor must stay in the room during testing and roamers are to come check every once in awhile to make sure that students are comfortable and that administrators don't need a break. I really dislike having a room full of kids who have to pee for three hours and nobody comes to get them to take them to the bathroom.
Anyway, I am sure my kids did a great job. I'm not allowed to see or to help or to look at test scores. Likewise I instruct the kids not to talk to me about them. However, it leaks out and sometimes in their exuberance, someone will brag to me about what they got. I'm happy for them but also say they can't say those things to me. I think that the English scores will increase dramatically this year. I'm in the English department and the main sixth grade teacher and eighth grade teachers really did a great job this year. Those scores will follow us as well, wherever we go.
Speaking of going, my student intern is almost at the end of her stint in my school. Next week she is going to institute the poetry unit I asked her to create. She has used my materials to come up with curriculum, written lesson plans and will institute them and assess at the end of the unit. She is doing much better in the classroom and I feel comfortable having her there to help teach. She thinks she is ready to go out on her own. I hope so. I've been teaching for that last however long and I'm still never as prepared as I want to be. There is also a lot the kids throw at you and even when you are prepared, you have to watch your face and reactions. So I've been thinking of some advice of my own for Title 1 public school teachers.
1. Don't take it personally. Kids have it rough in public school. Their home lives, especially those who live in poverty, are sometimes (though this is not the rule) challenging. When they say or do ugly things, it's almost never about the teacher. When you hear ugliness, look immediately beyond the words to the child spouting them. At all costs, avoid sarcasm.
2. Not everyone who is poor is troubled. Lots and lots of my students have happy home lives.
3. My goals and values may not be their goals and values. I am White. The vast majority of the students I teach are either Hispanic or Black. While we all have common American experiences, there are cultural differences and I do not have the right to make a kid feel bad because they realize from an early age that college is not for them. I do have a responsibility to learn more of my student's cultures and to pull those things into the classroom so that we can all learn better.
4. That does not mean that I can give up talking about literacy, a better life, and college. The fact is that as a 7-8 grade English teacher, I might be the last literacy educator they see. This makes my job that much more important and urgent. The buck stops here.
5. You know what my goal is? My goal is to be a better person. That's why I teach. That's what it boils down to. I want to look in the mirror every day and see someone I can be proud of. How I go about teaching ties into that.
6. My personal life has little place in my classroom. My students know I am White and that I speak some spanish. I tell them a little about growing up where I did, about the migrant children who became my friends and about Spanish lessons from 6-12 grade. I tell them about my past teaching jobs, including the prison which fascinates them, and I talk about my dog and cat. That's about it. If I am teaching curriculum and listening to their talk and their world and entering a realm that ultimately does not belong to me, I want to be as empty of a vessel as I can rather than a cup spilling over.
7. Take the weekends off. I know it is difficult. Grade papers before you come home. Set up curriculum and lesson plans on your plan period. Do as my friend Bonner suggests and touch a door or some piece of the school as you leave and say "I am leaving this place" and do not come back until Monday.
8. Laugh. Tell jokes. Enjoy these students because junior high is brutal and hormone filled and frightening. Laughter is important and instructive and makes life easier.
9. When you are wrong, say you are sorry. Publicly and with sincerity. I apologize to my students when I get stuff wrong. I take responsibility and get more respect for that than if I never admit mistakes. This shows that if I can get better and be a strong person who is compassionate, then they can be too. It's a pathway and an example.
10. You spot it, you got it. I stole this from an Al-Anon meeting (that's friends and family members of alcoholics). When the kids were spending their lunch hours smearing food up and down the hallways and throwing trash on the grounds, I was dismayed and angry. I decided that instead of some punitive action, I had a responsibility to teach compassion and responsibility. I took an entire day and had the students write letters to Margarita and Griselda, who are our custodians. I walked them around and we picked up trash. We gave the letters to the ladies and made them cry. I asked that if anyone saw people throwing trash or food where it shouldn't go that they speak up. Now our hallways are mostly clear and the grounds look better. Such a simple thing, really. If you can, then do.
I feel strongly that we are the guardians of innocence. Our middle school kids are half child, half teenager and spend a good deal of time just trying to figure out what to do next. When someone or something threatens their ability to do so, it turns me into a raging witch. For instance, one of our students dropped out for three months. His dad dis-enrolled him and took him to Texas. When he got back, his mom came to re-enroll him. Only he had gotten a gang tattoo on his neck in the intervening time. He knows that in order to be part of our school, he has to cover that tattoo but chooses not to. Every single time I catch him, I take him to the principal and he spends time out of class sitting, waiting for his mom to come bring him a turtleneck. It's crazy. But I have to do that- to keep gang symbols and tattoos and signs and graffiti out of my school. It's not just my job, it's my moral responsibility as an adult and as a human to protect others.
In other news, I have bronchitis again. My doctor will be so thrilled. Last weekend I missed an important play in Oklahoma City and this weekend, I missed a great play here in Tulsa. I simply had no energy to walk from the damn car to the theater to sit there for two hours without coughing my head off. I'll go on Monday for a shot and some antibiotics and blah blah blah...it's the same story. My job is killing me because each time I walk into the building, I inhale dust and mold and probably asbestos. I'm hoping next year will be better and working, always working, towards a better world.
Showing posts with label colorblindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label colorblindness. Show all posts
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
We Find Comfort Among Those Who Agree With Us
Well, I ended up with 18 students for the Saturday screening of "The Hunger Games". ((Warning: Spoilers ahead. Nothing earth-shattering but you ought to know)) It was great! Grey was nice enough to go with me, as was my friend Kristen and my student teacher and her husband. The kids were good as gold and there were several times during the movie that we looked over at each other to make faces in reaction to one scene or another.
There was much talk afterwards with one of the girls- the other kids scattered. She gave a blow-by-blow comparison that would make Ebert proud. And yesterday at lunch the buzz was all positive. It went something like this: We all want to take up archery, Katniss was a little too healthy (it *is* the Hunger Games, after all) and they blazed through Peeta being hurt. Rue was perfectly played. Cinna was great and Haymitch wasn't quite drunk enough and he didn't even puke once. There was not as much gory stuff in the movie. For instance, in the book, Katniss shoots one person in the neck. He pulls the arrow out and drowns in his own blood. Pretty gory; pretty graphic. The rating is PG-13 though so they had to rein it in a bit. Also, the love triangle angle isn't as played up as it is in the book, though it is heavily suggested.
It was just a good time.
I came across an article from Jezebel on how some movie-goers were outraged, disappointed or thought that the movie was "ruined" because the actor playing Rue is Black. So is Thresh and so is Cinna, but this was not such a big deal. Rue is an angel in the book and dies a horrible death. White readers often conjure up a picture of innocence- wherein the child is then imagined to be White. This unconscious racism led to the "outrage" because the demographic of viewers felt they had "wasted their emotions" on a child who is not blonde haired and blue eyed. I'm pretty sure that skin tone or follicle variations have fuck-all do to with innocence, purity, vulnerability or the brutality of oppression depicted in book. So I posted the link on my Facebook, like I often do. I'm just going to post the screen shots of what transpired. My take is that it was an interesting discussion- veering towards colorblindness. Colorblindness is "the idea that ignoring or overlooking racial and ethnic differences promotes racial harmony." Color blindness perpetuates racism passively. The person who is color blind usually believes that they are helping by ignoring race but the opposite is true. It's very difficult to convince White people of this, by the way.
The sentiment on my post was more or less that I stir things up by talking about racism in my classroom. I want to listen to stuff like that. It helps me to think before I speak in my classroom and helps me frame my perspective. I don't agree that I'm making something out of nothing, but I do at least want to take people's ideas into consideration.
However, I think it's fair to observe that I was personally attacked. Someone I considered a friend said some pretty hateful things. Over the last few months, he has had a tendency to jump into things, posting rather vehemently and taking me or others to task for our discussions. On MY Facebook page. No inbox messages, not seeing me in person over the last six months or so. Just progressively angry replies and what I have come to think of as trolling on my wall. I stopped paying attention when he would say things because I assumed he was just trying to get a reaction. But last night's post was different. He accused me of "reverse racism" and stereotyping and being a generally hateful person. Did I mention that he is a White conservative male? For the first time, I removed someone's comments from my page. The first I took down as it was a bunch of snarling. The second accused me of censoring him. How dare I remove those nasty remarks?!
I am really bothered by this. I am pretty careful about my rhetoric. Sometimes people post things to my wall that are of interest and sometimes I post things too, but it's more to open dialog (which often happens). I looked through my postings for the last few weeks. A re-post of a friends blog, posts about spring break being awesome and some of the friends I've gotten to see lately. Pictures of animals, the grass, my boyfriend, some bragging about homemade blueberry pancakes (I make some pretty good gluten-free blueberry pancakes if you ever need some) and one post calling the governor a jerk for skipping out on the Oklahoma state visit by the president. That one I should not have said. Instead of saying "The governor is a jerk", I should have said she was behaving like a jerk. I also jokingly said that I could tolerate a few conservatives. Taken out of context, it could sound bad. And a "conservative" friend had it out with me and we came to consensus. But seriously, that's the worst of it. I stayed up all night wondering what the hell I did to deserve such vitriol. Do I hate Oklahomans? Do I blindly hate conservatives? I asked a few people. My friend Cathy offered her opinion and I like to listen to what she has to say because she has known me for so long. Grey thought my friend was completely off base, as did a few others who messaged me.
For the record, I do not post negative things on his Facebook page and never rant on for multiple paragraphs. I just don't- it's his page and I don't doggedly chase people down and try to make them see my logic because I'm so fucking right. Because you know what? I'm not always right and that's ok. I defriended my friend, saying that maybe it was better to be friends in real life only. I received quite a long and thought-out reply in response, detailing such things as my dissertation giving me tunnel vision and ending with this:
"Americans, Oklahomans, Conservatives and people who do not like the lack of integrity of our president. I belong to all of these groups, when you belittle those groups, or question their intelligence, class or character, because they hold a different opinion, it offends many people who you call friends. Again, this is only my opinion. I am sure I will re-read this many times, questioning if I have been open-minded. I have done screenshots on many of your posts over the last year or two, and still feel the same, for now anyway. I wish you the best of luck in your teaching, I pray your teaching is never filled with the same hate, which you fight so hard to stop."
I do tend to question people's class and character, though I do it from my Facebook wall and not by poking my finger in someone's chest. Ok, maybe I have been to more than a few protests. And who are these many people? As far as I know, we know maybe three people in common. Did they contact him and call a committee meeting to discuss how offended I make them and what can be done to save me? And why the screen shots? In case I run for Congress or something? Will he need them in my murder trial? I have never picked a fight with a group, though I have responded strongly to something or another that a group has perpetuated. And I've been thinking about it all day long. Was he just trying to gas-light me?
"The Gaslight Effect results from a relationship between two people: a gaslighter, who needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world; and a gaslightee, who allows the gaslighter to define her sense of reality because she idealizes him and seeks his approval."
Frank A. Clark once said "We find comfort among those who agree with us; growth among those who do not". I agree with him. But then sometimes there comes a time when you just gotta pick up your toys and books and go home.
There was much talk afterwards with one of the girls- the other kids scattered. She gave a blow-by-blow comparison that would make Ebert proud. And yesterday at lunch the buzz was all positive. It went something like this: We all want to take up archery, Katniss was a little too healthy (it *is* the Hunger Games, after all) and they blazed through Peeta being hurt. Rue was perfectly played. Cinna was great and Haymitch wasn't quite drunk enough and he didn't even puke once. There was not as much gory stuff in the movie. For instance, in the book, Katniss shoots one person in the neck. He pulls the arrow out and drowns in his own blood. Pretty gory; pretty graphic. The rating is PG-13 though so they had to rein it in a bit. Also, the love triangle angle isn't as played up as it is in the book, though it is heavily suggested.
It was just a good time.
I came across an article from Jezebel on how some movie-goers were outraged, disappointed or thought that the movie was "ruined" because the actor playing Rue is Black. So is Thresh and so is Cinna, but this was not such a big deal. Rue is an angel in the book and dies a horrible death. White readers often conjure up a picture of innocence- wherein the child is then imagined to be White. This unconscious racism led to the "outrage" because the demographic of viewers felt they had "wasted their emotions" on a child who is not blonde haired and blue eyed. I'm pretty sure that skin tone or follicle variations have fuck-all do to with innocence, purity, vulnerability or the brutality of oppression depicted in book. So I posted the link on my Facebook, like I often do. I'm just going to post the screen shots of what transpired. My take is that it was an interesting discussion- veering towards colorblindness. Colorblindness is "the idea that ignoring or overlooking racial and ethnic differences promotes racial harmony." Color blindness perpetuates racism passively. The person who is color blind usually believes that they are helping by ignoring race but the opposite is true. It's very difficult to convince White people of this, by the way.
The sentiment on my post was more or less that I stir things up by talking about racism in my classroom. I want to listen to stuff like that. It helps me to think before I speak in my classroom and helps me frame my perspective. I don't agree that I'm making something out of nothing, but I do at least want to take people's ideas into consideration.
However, I think it's fair to observe that I was personally attacked. Someone I considered a friend said some pretty hateful things. Over the last few months, he has had a tendency to jump into things, posting rather vehemently and taking me or others to task for our discussions. On MY Facebook page. No inbox messages, not seeing me in person over the last six months or so. Just progressively angry replies and what I have come to think of as trolling on my wall. I stopped paying attention when he would say things because I assumed he was just trying to get a reaction. But last night's post was different. He accused me of "reverse racism" and stereotyping and being a generally hateful person. Did I mention that he is a White conservative male? For the first time, I removed someone's comments from my page. The first I took down as it was a bunch of snarling. The second accused me of censoring him. How dare I remove those nasty remarks?!
I am really bothered by this. I am pretty careful about my rhetoric. Sometimes people post things to my wall that are of interest and sometimes I post things too, but it's more to open dialog (which often happens). I looked through my postings for the last few weeks. A re-post of a friends blog, posts about spring break being awesome and some of the friends I've gotten to see lately. Pictures of animals, the grass, my boyfriend, some bragging about homemade blueberry pancakes (I make some pretty good gluten-free blueberry pancakes if you ever need some) and one post calling the governor a jerk for skipping out on the Oklahoma state visit by the president. That one I should not have said. Instead of saying "The governor is a jerk", I should have said she was behaving like a jerk. I also jokingly said that I could tolerate a few conservatives. Taken out of context, it could sound bad. And a "conservative" friend had it out with me and we came to consensus. But seriously, that's the worst of it. I stayed up all night wondering what the hell I did to deserve such vitriol. Do I hate Oklahomans? Do I blindly hate conservatives? I asked a few people. My friend Cathy offered her opinion and I like to listen to what she has to say because she has known me for so long. Grey thought my friend was completely off base, as did a few others who messaged me.
For the record, I do not post negative things on his Facebook page and never rant on for multiple paragraphs. I just don't- it's his page and I don't doggedly chase people down and try to make them see my logic because I'm so fucking right. Because you know what? I'm not always right and that's ok. I defriended my friend, saying that maybe it was better to be friends in real life only. I received quite a long and thought-out reply in response, detailing such things as my dissertation giving me tunnel vision and ending with this:
"Americans, Oklahomans, Conservatives and people who do not like the lack of integrity of our president. I belong to all of these groups, when you belittle those groups, or question their intelligence, class or character, because they hold a different opinion, it offends many people who you call friends. Again, this is only my opinion. I am sure I will re-read this many times, questioning if I have been open-minded. I have done screenshots on many of your posts over the last year or two, and still feel the same, for now anyway. I wish you the best of luck in your teaching, I pray your teaching is never filled with the same hate, which you fight so hard to stop."
I do tend to question people's class and character, though I do it from my Facebook wall and not by poking my finger in someone's chest. Ok, maybe I have been to more than a few protests. And who are these many people? As far as I know, we know maybe three people in common. Did they contact him and call a committee meeting to discuss how offended I make them and what can be done to save me? And why the screen shots? In case I run for Congress or something? Will he need them in my murder trial? I have never picked a fight with a group, though I have responded strongly to something or another that a group has perpetuated. And I've been thinking about it all day long. Was he just trying to gas-light me?
"The Gaslight Effect results from a relationship between two people: a gaslighter, who needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world; and a gaslightee, who allows the gaslighter to define her sense of reality because she idealizes him and seeks his approval."
If this is true, then it ultimately failed. I don't think he did that on purpose. I know what abusive people are like and generally, they fall into two categories. The first is the oblivious category and the second is the purposeful manipulation category. Both people should be avoided. The veiled threat of him documenting my Facebook postings, saying how much i offend people, saying how open-minded he hopes he is being and how I offend "many people" I call friend. The nail though, is in reference to my teaching. That's where I go "Whoa the fuck up there, Lone Ranger". I have been teaching for a long time. I have lots of degrees in pedagogy and shit like that. I am observed on a regular basis and administrators in the district really enjoy visiting my classroom. My materials are reviewed, my lesson plans are all on the desk at all times and my students exhibit happy behaviors, lack of fear of me and gains in reading. Oh, and 18 of them came to watch a movie with me last weekend.
Oh, wait, time out. Didn't that last line say that I fight hard to stop hatred?
So I blocked him.
But let me say this: I don't think he is inherently a bad person. I just don't. I just don't think he sees me clearly. Or perhaps I don't fit with his world view. It's ok; I'm just going to let it be.
You may see me write negative things from time to time. I get angry with the way we humans behave towards each other, towards children, towards the environment and towards lesser creatures. We humans, me included. I am not exempt from bad behavior or a poor attitude from time to time. I might insult a politician or kick a puppy, you never know. If 15 years of college have taught me anything, it's that I don't know everything and that I can both make mistakes and learn.
But I do know a few things.
1. I know that I won't stop talking about issues that bother me. Maybe I can re-frame things to make them more palatable, but I won't not talk about things like inequality, racism, sexism, politics, gun laws, abortion or flying to the moon.
2. Talking about issues of racism makes me neither a "White guilt" sufferer, nor a "reverse racist". Nor does it give me tunnel vision. Frankly, my dissertation served to broaden my vision.
3. Talking about issues of sexuality and sexual politics does not make me a man-hater.
4. I have a right to be angry. I have a right, on my own social media page, to post and discuss these issues. I have never censored anyone before and often welcome and learn from the spirited dialog. As far as I know, the SPLC has not classified me as a hate group.
5. I'm actually not that combative. I post things that are hopeful, that are kind, that remind me of people I love and that hopefully encourage others. I post pictures of flowers. I work in a helping profession and the things I do can help make a difference, even in a small way. I like making blueberry pancakes and kissing and taking kids to the movies and the right for all women to make their own reproductive choices.
Frank A. Clark once said "We find comfort among those who agree with us; growth among those who do not". I agree with him. But then sometimes there comes a time when you just gotta pick up your toys and books and go home.
Friday, November 4, 2011
What Students Can Teach Me About Kindness
Today I loved being a teacher. I haven't been able to say that much this fall. Between administration, the state department and basic trust issues with my kids, we are now sort of at the point where we can move forward. I've now got some buy-in with my students, some street cred, as it were. It occurs to me that I know so little of the true lives of my students that it would be a mistake to make assumptions about what they do or do not know. So I ask them to write their lives, their experiences and their opinions. We all have notebooks to write in and they have the option every day to either do my writing prompt or their own. I love it when they choose to share with the group.
Ninety-five percent of my kids are Hispanic and most of those are Mexican. The remaining 5% are African-American and White, in that order. Many are Christian and Catholic; a few are Jewish. It may surprise you to think that I see the races, religions and ethnicities of my students. There are those who follow a philosophy of color-blindness when it comes to children and teaching. They report that a student's background is has no bearing on the classroom environment. That since Standard American English is pretty much the status quo and since English teachers teach SAE in the curriculum, it is best to ignore any other issue besides the curriculum. I think this is done out of love and a desire to give students the best chance they can. But it's not effective. To refuse to see the world in color, to not see children for who they are and to not acknowledge or honor the lives they live is not only a mistake, but it is irresponsible of educators to do so.
As a teacher, as a woman and as a White person, I have a background in my subject that some of- ok, many of- my students are not privileged to have. The pathways of their lives and mine only intersect in a few ways. Instead of laying my curriculum, my pathway, over the top of my student's heads, I find it a much better fit, and a more productive one from a learning standpoint, to find some of their pathways and offer them augmentation in English. The students and I come to agreements about how the class will run, what sorts of privileges they can earn and what sort of work they will do. And they do work. They sometimes work their guts out. In return, I attempt to serve them, not from the tippy-top of a mountain pouring down a dominant ideology, but instead from a little creek that bubbles alongside their own experiences. And sometimes they surprise me, because what they learn and practice has little to do with the stated curriculum, but instead speaks to the hidden agendas I purposefully demonstrate.
The kids work in groups of four, where I have seated them. In one class, I have a table of four with Donna, Billy, Mary and Alaina. These are not their real names. Donna is shorter than 4'11" tall. She and Alaina are both Black. Mary and Billy are both Mexican. Donna has a temper on her and I have seen her do a power punch that lifted her off of her feet in order to sock an older, much larger boy in the face. But in my class she is a joyful kid and regular contributor to our discussions. Billy is a gentle giant kind of kid, quiet and studious. He loves to read to the point that I have had to ask him to put away his book to do a writing assignment- an assignment that involved another book we were reading. But Billy does not seem to have much family structure. He never completes homework. His handwriting is atrocious and his personal hygiene is often questionable. He's usually got dirt on his arms and face. The other kids pick on him. He is a sweet kid too- always finds me in the hallway and says "Hi Miss Dieu!!!" One day he was crying in class. I pulled him into the hallway to ask him why. He had not done his homework and thought I'd be mad at him. Oh no! No, no, just do it for tomorrow! I spent some time reassuring him and sent him to the bathroom to splash water on his face. I was taken rather aback that he thought enough of me to cry at the thought that I'd become angry with him. Truth be told, that made a big impact on me. I had a talk with his tablemates while he was away. I asked that they be kind to him and include them more than they had; that junior high is hard enough and it costs nothing to be gentle. At first, they just stopped being snarky. Then, with my own reminders, Mary and Donna have said nice things to him. Alaina is not convinced; she continues to make little digs.
Yesterday, Donna came in madder than a wet hen. She picked up her notebook and wrote furiously for 10 minutes straight and read what she had written to the class. She was angry; a boy she said she liked called her ugly and she had to resist the urge to punch him out. She read the class the riot act about being nice to people and how she has feelings too. She said she thought the teachers just didn't care (not you, Miss Dieu, I love you!) and that things were going to go badly. We all thanked her for sharing, which is what we do when someone shares their writing out loud. Criticism is saved for peer review. "Thank you for sharing" is reserved for those brave enough to read what they have read.
After class, I asked Donna to talk to me. She admitted that there was more to the story. Another boy, Todd (also a pseudonym) keeps threatening her. He said that if she told anyone, he would have someone beat her up. I have Todd in another class. He is a year older and is very smart. It's just his modus operandi to get others to do his dirty work. I took Donna to the counselor. He art teacher came to ask me about her. Donna had been confrontational and angry in class the previous two days and she was wondering if I knew anything that would help. I relayed what Donna had said. The art teacher said she would take a few minutes to let our student know that we do notice and that we do indeed care.
We had a team meeting with Todd. That's when all of his teachers get together with a student to help them, to ask them to change their behavior and to hear what they have to say about their own education. We also let Todd know that if anything- anything at all- were to happen to Donna, he would have to answer to us, the school and the police officer assigned to the school. I don't think it scared him much, but I don't think he'll pick on Donna anymore.
Today in class, everything went as normal. We were writing expository essays with the understanding that a 5 paragraph essay is not the be all and end all of good writing. The students chose their own topics from the daily writing prompts we have done for the last few weeks. But Billy still hadn't gotten started. He couldn't think of what to write. I offered some ideas and asked his tablemates to help him like they were helping each other. Each of them had picked a season and were writing about it. Billy looked like he was going to cry. I told him to take a few deep breaths and try again. That's when the girls jumped in. "You're a good storyteller!", said Donna. "Yeah, you always tell the best stories" "You remember the one you told us in math class about the vampire and his beard...?" And on and on. They gave him ideas on what to write based on his own interests. And I almost started to cry myself, but I smiled and busied myself with other kids who needed help.
Today I loved being a teacher. I loved being a human and I loved being a part of this community and playing my appropriate part in it. I had to leave during 4th hour to go to OU and meet with my adviser. As I was dashing out the door (found a great substitute teacher, by the way!) I waved and said "Bye kids! I love you, have a great weekend!" They yelled "Bye! We love you too!", and I smiled all the way to Norman.
Ninety-five percent of my kids are Hispanic and most of those are Mexican. The remaining 5% are African-American and White, in that order. Many are Christian and Catholic; a few are Jewish. It may surprise you to think that I see the races, religions and ethnicities of my students. There are those who follow a philosophy of color-blindness when it comes to children and teaching. They report that a student's background is has no bearing on the classroom environment. That since Standard American English is pretty much the status quo and since English teachers teach SAE in the curriculum, it is best to ignore any other issue besides the curriculum. I think this is done out of love and a desire to give students the best chance they can. But it's not effective. To refuse to see the world in color, to not see children for who they are and to not acknowledge or honor the lives they live is not only a mistake, but it is irresponsible of educators to do so.
As a teacher, as a woman and as a White person, I have a background in my subject that some of- ok, many of- my students are not privileged to have. The pathways of their lives and mine only intersect in a few ways. Instead of laying my curriculum, my pathway, over the top of my student's heads, I find it a much better fit, and a more productive one from a learning standpoint, to find some of their pathways and offer them augmentation in English. The students and I come to agreements about how the class will run, what sorts of privileges they can earn and what sort of work they will do. And they do work. They sometimes work their guts out. In return, I attempt to serve them, not from the tippy-top of a mountain pouring down a dominant ideology, but instead from a little creek that bubbles alongside their own experiences. And sometimes they surprise me, because what they learn and practice has little to do with the stated curriculum, but instead speaks to the hidden agendas I purposefully demonstrate.
The kids work in groups of four, where I have seated them. In one class, I have a table of four with Donna, Billy, Mary and Alaina. These are not their real names. Donna is shorter than 4'11" tall. She and Alaina are both Black. Mary and Billy are both Mexican. Donna has a temper on her and I have seen her do a power punch that lifted her off of her feet in order to sock an older, much larger boy in the face. But in my class she is a joyful kid and regular contributor to our discussions. Billy is a gentle giant kind of kid, quiet and studious. He loves to read to the point that I have had to ask him to put away his book to do a writing assignment- an assignment that involved another book we were reading. But Billy does not seem to have much family structure. He never completes homework. His handwriting is atrocious and his personal hygiene is often questionable. He's usually got dirt on his arms and face. The other kids pick on him. He is a sweet kid too- always finds me in the hallway and says "Hi Miss Dieu!!!" One day he was crying in class. I pulled him into the hallway to ask him why. He had not done his homework and thought I'd be mad at him. Oh no! No, no, just do it for tomorrow! I spent some time reassuring him and sent him to the bathroom to splash water on his face. I was taken rather aback that he thought enough of me to cry at the thought that I'd become angry with him. Truth be told, that made a big impact on me. I had a talk with his tablemates while he was away. I asked that they be kind to him and include them more than they had; that junior high is hard enough and it costs nothing to be gentle. At first, they just stopped being snarky. Then, with my own reminders, Mary and Donna have said nice things to him. Alaina is not convinced; she continues to make little digs.
Yesterday, Donna came in madder than a wet hen. She picked up her notebook and wrote furiously for 10 minutes straight and read what she had written to the class. She was angry; a boy she said she liked called her ugly and she had to resist the urge to punch him out. She read the class the riot act about being nice to people and how she has feelings too. She said she thought the teachers just didn't care (not you, Miss Dieu, I love you!) and that things were going to go badly. We all thanked her for sharing, which is what we do when someone shares their writing out loud. Criticism is saved for peer review. "Thank you for sharing" is reserved for those brave enough to read what they have read.
After class, I asked Donna to talk to me. She admitted that there was more to the story. Another boy, Todd (also a pseudonym) keeps threatening her. He said that if she told anyone, he would have someone beat her up. I have Todd in another class. He is a year older and is very smart. It's just his modus operandi to get others to do his dirty work. I took Donna to the counselor. He art teacher came to ask me about her. Donna had been confrontational and angry in class the previous two days and she was wondering if I knew anything that would help. I relayed what Donna had said. The art teacher said she would take a few minutes to let our student know that we do notice and that we do indeed care.
We had a team meeting with Todd. That's when all of his teachers get together with a student to help them, to ask them to change their behavior and to hear what they have to say about their own education. We also let Todd know that if anything- anything at all- were to happen to Donna, he would have to answer to us, the school and the police officer assigned to the school. I don't think it scared him much, but I don't think he'll pick on Donna anymore.
Today in class, everything went as normal. We were writing expository essays with the understanding that a 5 paragraph essay is not the be all and end all of good writing. The students chose their own topics from the daily writing prompts we have done for the last few weeks. But Billy still hadn't gotten started. He couldn't think of what to write. I offered some ideas and asked his tablemates to help him like they were helping each other. Each of them had picked a season and were writing about it. Billy looked like he was going to cry. I told him to take a few deep breaths and try again. That's when the girls jumped in. "You're a good storyteller!", said Donna. "Yeah, you always tell the best stories" "You remember the one you told us in math class about the vampire and his beard...?" And on and on. They gave him ideas on what to write based on his own interests. And I almost started to cry myself, but I smiled and busied myself with other kids who needed help.
Today I loved being a teacher. I loved being a human and I loved being a part of this community and playing my appropriate part in it. I had to leave during 4th hour to go to OU and meet with my adviser. As I was dashing out the door (found a great substitute teacher, by the way!) I waved and said "Bye kids! I love you, have a great weekend!" They yelled "Bye! We love you too!", and I smiled all the way to Norman.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)