Kindness

Today I want to give credit where it is due- to my readers. Thanks for hanging in with me for these last four or five years. I was digging through old blog posts, trying to find a particular one- more on that in a minute- and it made me think about who reads this and just what the hell we all get out of the experience.

Hopefully, I'm showing a bit of my world. This morning, I'm in my heavy red bathrobe, sipping hot coffee and trying to come to life before I go do my weightlifting. I'm in the office portion of the house. The office is part of my dressing room, on the second floor, with no door and just my old dresser and a rack for hanging clothes. And make up, and hair stuff, and a mirror, and a rocking chair that my sister Patti gave me. The heater is on because it's 27 degrees outside. However, it's predicted to get up to about 60 today. First time we've seen 60 since October. If you've read my blog even once, you'll know that I'm not excited about Spring. Oh, it's a lovely season and it's neat to see the world wake up from a long slumber. Except that we didn't have any slumber this year. I'd say we had less than 3 inches of snow in total for the entire year. You might imagine that as someone whose favorite necklace is a snowflake pendant, I want more. We've even gone to visit snow in the mountains. The ski areas up here have had very few operational days, and ski tourism is out all over the state and in Idaho. Boo. *sips coffee*

Back to the world. Our old house is from the turn of the century, around 1900. The owners put in modern carpet and put in new drywall. The original doors are still up and the weird nooks and crannies that go with the architecture of a peaked roof are naturally still in place. Our bedroom has angled ceilings that slope such that we have few places where we can strategically place the bed without banging our heads every time we go to sleep. I love it. The only thing I don't love is the tiny kitchen. We have the upstairs and half of the down. The other half is walled off- along with (probably) the other half of the kitchen! The owners use their half of the bottom as an office. I think besides the drafts in the winter- you can stick fingers through the sliding windows- these are the only downside of the house. It's wonderfully located and the owners are quiet, only showing up a few days a week and never early. With a Starbucks, a pizza place, and a grocery store within 200 meters of the front door and an easy mile walk to work, I couldn't imagine a better place for us for now.

I get up earlier these days, 5, 5:30, 6 ish. Going to bed between 8 and 9 is better for me, even if it's not more fun. I'm more productive in the mornings. I get to go work out if I get up in time, and since I do most of my grading online, I can knock some of it out in the mornings. I like to have a little time alone too, to think and write and read. I do love reading for pleasure. Most of my life follows a routine: wake up, get around, work, teach, work, teach, teach, teach, volunteer hours, grading, home, dinner, sleep. I get the workouts in where I can. I often get a yoga class in once a week, though I try for twice.  Since G and I both work so much, we eat lunch as our big meal and usually just have something light for dinner. On the weekends, it's travel.

My life seems to be missing something, and indeed it is.  I miss my little kitty, Eleanor. I miss her about as much as I thought I would. Her presence was pervasive in my life for almost 19 years. I must have burst into tears a dozen times the first day she was gone. And the second day. On the third day it was less. Now the rawness is gone, but I feel as though I am missing something or someone important, like a low-grade fever. You can ignore it for awhile but eventually you have to get some rest. On Saturday the vet called to say her ashes were back. I hope by saying that here, I get up the guts to go get her.  Nobody has said to me: Eleanor was just a cat. Because DUH, I know that. Nobody has said "get over it". That might be because nobody would say such a thing to my face or even online.

Everyone has been kind. Like really kind. My veterinarian's office sent me a handwritten card. My in-laws sent me flowers and a sweet note. My former student came by with hugs and flowers too. It's just too much to list how many nice things people have said- in text message, Facebook messages, phone calls, and notes.

Thank you. So, so much. When we figure out how and where we will be, G and I will adopt another rescue pet. The Nevada SPCA is where Eleanor came from. I think shelter animals are often the best kind.

Now, if you're still reading this, I'm hoping you can help me out. GR asked a question about a blog where I talk about hunting, and a friend of mine who hunts, and how I reconciled his philosophy with my own. I can't find the damn thing anywhere. I looked at every post between the first one and the time I met G. Zilch. If you run across it, can you alert me in the comments or email me? That would be awesome. Thanks!

My quarter at school is coming to a close. Two more weeks, then a week of relaxation. Ok, planning. Then I'm teaching 4 classes. Two is considered a full load for tenured faculty; three for non tenured.  It's going to be busy. I'm looking forward to it though. I was invited to teach an honors course in academic research; just up my alley. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull this off and retain my sanity. I love to be busy, like really busy.  But my days are already full and I'm not willing to give up sleep or gym time. Sometimes I feel like a juggler with too many balls in the air; every week, some ball will get dropped and I will have to remember to be kind to myself about the whole mess. I will make it through, probably laughing with all the new stuff I learn from students. They think I'm the teacher. Little do they know they are the reason I'm here.

Have a good weekend.

50 Random Questions

So I haven't read through these questions. I'm going to just paste them into the blog and answer as I go along.
Fun, right? No guarantees!

1. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?

Neither. I'm pretty smart. I'm also just as happy as I make up my mind to be, so we'll call my life the blessing of "enough". 

2. What's your worst habit?

My worst habit? I'm so self-critical. 

Take off glasses. Brush hair. Put on a shirt with sleeves. Maybe get a tan.... maybe some make up.

When I see pictures of myself, I just see what can be improved or how old I am getting. I have to remember that life is for living, not for being so damn vain. 

3. Are you dating?

As a matter of fact, yes. My husband and I have a date night each week- cliche, I know, but it works. It breaks up the week and lets us connect with each other. We don't do much; a movie, appetizers out, stuff like that. And we reserve that time for each other.

4. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

 No. I used to but it dries out my hair and my hair is already dry (see Q2). 

5. What is the one thing you'll never do again?

I'll most thankfully never have another first date. I'll do lots of things again, or at least I am willing. I'll paraglide, get more tattoos, eat weird foods. But I'd never give up on G. 

6. Do you collect anything?

Books. pictures of my adventures, memories, electronics, and apparently, clothing. And shoes. I'm a shoe hog.

7. Worst injury you ever had?

It's not something I talk about much. I've broken bones and I've wrecked my feet, I've got some arthritis in my hip and knee. But what hurt, hurt, was when my ex-husband and I were taking martial arts classes and he overdid it on a joint lock. It was a belt test, and he did it wrong the first time. On the second and last try, he ripped the tendons in my right wrist. It made a huge popping sound. That's not what hurt. What hurt is that he blamed me for it. Because I hadn't pretended he did the lock correctly the first time. I still have to be careful with my right wrist. The other students at dojo never got over that though. They didn't trust him anymore. 

I hadn't planned on telling that story. I don't really talk about my martial arts days, but I was a third degree black belt in Kempo Karate. I taught and took lessons for the greater part of a decade. I loved it and I was really good at it. 

8. What is your favourite pet/ animal?

I love most pets. And I've had a few. Dogs, cats, sheep, and a guinea pig.  I'd like to get a few pygmy goats for pets, but that's going to have to wait awhile. I do get along well with most animals immediately. Heck, I was once accepted into vet school. 

Right now, my favorite pet is Eleanor. She's something. And the only cat my husband isn't allergic to. They've grown fond of each other these last three years. 

Best pals

I have more pictures of my cat than of my family. 

In the way of adorable animal pictures, my nephew Joe has the CUTEST pit bull. She is happy all the time. Her name is Leia.

9. What's your dream vacation?

 I'd like to do parts of Western Europe. Or all of it. Maybe a series of vacations. Lots of people want tropics or sun and sand. I don't. I want culture and people and cold weather. Maybe mild weather, but cold is good. I want to spend Christmas in Germany or Austria just once. I want to spend enough time in these places to learn language and get jokes. 

10. Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Depends on the when you're talking about the planning.  Very little of my life has gone as planned. I have an idea of the direction I'm going. That's about it for now. There is an old man under a mountain and every time I plan my life, he chuckles. 

11. Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, I do. I love them and they have meaning. I contemplated each of them for a long time before I got them. And I've been contemplating a third for some time now. 

One of two tatts

12. What's your secret to lure in the opposite sex?

I don't have one. Although, to lure G, I found that blueberry pancakes work pretty well. And homemade blueberry jam. And a little blueberry behind each ear does the trick too.  And being myself.

Back when I was "luring" men, I wasn't very good at it anyway. 

13. Any phobias?

I worked in a prison for almost a year. As a result, I usually find myself in any room with my back to a wall, just in case. I don't like crowds anymore either. My experiences changed me in some difficult ways. And I have always disliked man-made heights. Weird though, because I don't mind large cliffs in the least. I used to have hyper vigilance, but it's subsided and I feel safe more often than not. 

14.  Do you bite your nails?

No. They are usually too long and I need to trim them. 

15. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? 

I usually record my steps with a fitbit. Mine recently died and I haven't replaced it. I hate guessing. I like to keep around 12,000-15,000 steps a day.

16. Heels or flats?

Sneakers, boots, and flip flops, thanks. 

17.Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No. Is that a thing?

18. Do you always smile for pictures?

I don't like my smile much.

19. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?

No, is that also a thing? 

20.  Do you miss anyone right now?

Yes. Old friends in Oklahoma and my sweet old dog who lives a very happy life back in OK with some friends and their 4 kids.

21. What's your favourite colour?

Probably black. Maybe red.

22. Do you want kids?

Yes.  

23. Are you patient?

No. My brain tends to go a million miles an hour and I have a hard time slowing down for others. 

24. Can you swim?

Yes, I am a strong swimmer. Or at least I was. I haven't been swimming for a few years. I both love and hate swimming in the ocean. I love the salt water; hate the yucky jellyfish. 

25. Tea or coffee

Both.  Coffee- hot strong black- in the morning and tea in the afternoons and evening. 

26. What do you wear to bed?

27. Ever used a gun? 

Yes. I'm a pretty good shot with a .22 open site rifle. And I've used a thirty ought six for hunting. I've shot pistols. I'm better with a rifle. But I don't enjoy it. One of my acquaintances had her home broken into a few years back. She had two little babies in the house under the age of 5. She killed one of the people and injured a second. The third ran and was caught. It was the worst experience of her life. She wasn't charged or anything. It was just awful for her and her family. They moved out of state and sold the house. I can't bring myself to own a gun for that reason. But make no mistake; I have every other kind of weapon and know how to use it. I have them stashed about the house. 

28. Do you sing in the shower?

No

29. Are you stubborn?

About some things. I'm a good compromiser. 

30. Are you lazy?

No.  Too much time being inactive makes me depressed. I have to do stuff.

31. Can you change the oil in a car

I have done it before, but not on Gs car. On an older Ford truck, probably. 

32. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

A couple months ago. I have a friend who is incarcerated. I like to write him letters. I'm good that way.

33. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

Not that anyone would want to see this, but how much money are we talking? 

34.What is your favourite food?

Po-tay-toes. 

Or maybe fresh crab pulled from the bay. Or tomatoes from the garden. Or stuff with cheese on it. 

I like food.

35. Do you still watch cartoons?

Sorry, I don't have time for that.

36. What movie(s) can you watch over and over again and not get bored?

Constantine, I think. And perhaps a few Sandra Bullock movies.

37. What superpower would you have for one day?

I would like to read people's minds. Probably for one day only. 

38. Whats been your favourite age so far? 

Every day I wake up. I didn't like my youth. I didn't get to be much of a child and our house was often angry and traumatic. I liked my 30s and I like my 40s so far. I'm 41. So I guess maybe I like today.

39. How old are you?

41

40. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?

I've made so many mistakes. I would save myself so much heartbreak and so much pain. I would say "Go find examples of unconditional love. Copy them." I would tell myself that in the future, I would learn to accept who I am and what I am and that these things are not just enough, they are good. And that I am good too. It took me far too long to figure that out. Maybe some people never do. 

41. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?

I'm not sure. Maybe visit my family. Visit the ocean. See some friends and dance with them. Kiss my husband more. Write out the story of my life. 

42. What celebrity would you trade lives with?

Oh good lord, no. Just no. You couldn't pay me to be a celebrity.

43. Do people ever take you seriously?

Yes. It's the perks of being me, of being a professor. 

44. What happened the last time you cried?

It was about six months after my grandma died, so a few years ago. I hadn't cried about her death. She was close to all of my sister and me. I had a dream about her and told it to my friend V who was also my roommate at the time. She simply told me that my grandma is gone and there was nothing I could do about it. It was one of those great heaving sobs that you can't stop. V always seems to know just what to say. I have a sniffle from time to time, but I'm not really a crier.

45. Who knows you best?

My sister.

46.  Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Door closed. It's a small bedroom, and it's my husband's closet.  I actually have a dressing room. Yes, I'm that person!

47. What is your song of the week?

Scarborough Faire

48. Last person you kissed?

49. Best thing to eat for breakfast?

I don't eat much breakfast right now. Probably my Saturday thing with G: sliced cheese and fruit. Then some physical exercise outside.

50. Does anyone know the password to your email?

G does. You never know what might happen. 

Post-Christmas

Christmas was yesterday and passed rather quietly.  I missed snow. I love a white Christmas and almost asked G to drive us up a mountain pass so I could see it.  We went for a walk instead.  Mind you, it's cold enough for snow. It's been lingering in the 20s and 30s for weeks now. We just don't get precipitation here.  If we did, it'd be snowy here in a flash and for a long time.  I think our best Christmas tradition is taking a walk together.  We did that, we made a lovely meal, opened presents, called our families, watched "The Lion in Winter" and fed the cat some tuna for a Christmas meal.  She is so spoiled, even my husband's sister sent her a gift!

I think we're going to head to Seattle this weekend.  My friend E and her family are heading home from the holidays, back to San Diego from our hometown.  We're going to meet up for brunch before their flight.  Her son is growing up- he's a about 14 months old now- and I've never met her husband. But E and I go way back. Our families go way back. Her grandpa was the doctor who delivered my mom. Our parents went to school together, even in the same grade. E and I also graduated together in the same class.

E is smarter than I am, and really classy. She's a life-long equestrian with beautiful mediterranean skin and hair and warm eyes. She should be one of the Onassis family members if you ask me.  I like her a lot too. She's one of the few classmates I've stayed in contact with after high school.  We both went into teaching and our lives paralleled in many ways and we find qualities in each other to admire.  We are both teachers, though she teaches physics and I teach English.  That should tell you a lot right there.  I like her restraint and her ability to plan and execute and make sound decisions using stuff like data and reason.  She admires my ability to tell people what I think and have them thank me for it, and my impetuousness that sometimes pays off.  Next to her, it's easy to feel like a frumpy version of Anna Nicole Smith, except that we get along so well. We come from the same community and despite our differences, experienced many of the same childhood traumas- just from different perspectives.  Oh, and also, E can and does drive a combine from time to time to help out with harvest.  I'll be sure to post a few photos.  Hopefully, we can get them to meet us at the 5 Spot, a popular and delicious brunch spot on Queen Anne Hill.

I guess the other news is about my job.  I can't really go into detail in an online forum, but my contract has been extended through June 30th.  That's great news! I was pretty upset but getting to a place where I could enjoy only teaching 4 classes.  After accepting the overload (3 is full time here), I found out I'd also be working 3/4 time.  Instead of working three days a week, I'm going to be putting in about 55 hours a week between teaching and work.  But it's only for the next quarter; ten weeks. Then I'll drop to two classes and go up to full time, which is what I've been doing all along.  Wish me luck!

I hope you all had a great Christmas, with peace and joy and a few presents shared among those you care for, enough to eat and a warm place to lay your head.

Random 5 Friday

My bloggy buddy Nonnie (introduced by my fabulous MIL) inspired me today with her Random 5 Friday blog. I'll do one for you too.  For rules on the Random 5, go here.

1. Today is the day Eleanor goes to the vet for her check up.  I'm excited because I think her bloodwork will come back wonderfully.  She feels better! Her appetite is good and she's much more snuggly than she was.  I bet that's also because it's cooler outside.

2. I love that it's cooler, but I can't drink pumpkin spice lattes and it's killing me. No places serve almond milk or rice milk in their lattes- it's all milk or soy.  I'm allergic to milk and soy.  So I tried pumpkin spice tea from Stash. It tastes like warm water and cinnamon. Blech.

3.  I've been working out in the early mornings lately.  I....like it. Let me just say that I am NOT a morning person, but it's nice to get up at 5:45, snuggle with the little kitty, make some coffee and have a cup with my husband before I hit the gym at 6:30.  It was 40 degrees yesterday morning but 48 this morning with sunshine.

4. I had the opportunity to give a presentation on conflict management this week to an incoming group of freshman leaders.  The retreat was way up on White Pass, past Yakima and following the great Naches river.  The workshop went well with facepainting, discussions, group work and skits.  The drive was even more impressive.

5.  My brother in law, B, helps with a race car team.  I'm not sure if it's stock car or sprint car or what, but he's been on the pit crew for a number of years.  Besides his family and fishing, I think this is his passion.  The driver grew up around their little town and B believes in him and wants those dreams to come true.  And as it happens, there is a race in Yakima tonight and tomorrow. G and I are going to go support them and watch the shows.  Have I ever been to a car race? I don't think so. I'm not even sure what kind of cars are in Nascar or the Indie 500 or what horserace is popular this decade.  BUT it will probably be fun and my nephew, who turned 13 this week, will be there too.

Have a great weekend!

Recover

I thought that since last week was so stressful and dramatic, I'd comment on my very calm and casual weekend.

Basically, we recovered.  It's been hot, so most of our activities are in the evenings when it cools off.  I'm tired of the 90 degree days.  I want snow!!

Is it snowing yet? How about now? Are we there yet? 

We went out to dinner on Friday to celebrate "I'm not unemployed!".  We got home around 7:30 and I was exhausted, so I waited until about 10 and went to bed.  G ended up staying up reading most of the night and slept in the next day.  I didn't want to wake him so I figured a day of self-care was in order.  I worked out, colored my hair, painted my toes and did a face mask.  Stuff G doesn't need to be a part of, though we do loved exercising together.  I called and talked to my dear, dear Charlotte for over an hour.  That lady is good for my soul.

Once he got up, we just lounged around and spent a relaxing day doing very little.  Again, I had a rough day with my tummy so I went to bed early.  I mean, that was it. Just relaxing and talking and watching movies and being silly. Just what I needed.

We got up reasonably early on Sunday.  It was sunrise service and began at 6:30 a.m. and so we just stayed home.  Last Sunday I did my once monthly book club meeting with the high school kids and we had 3 other adults come too so it was a great conversation about the book "The Girl Who Fell From The Sky" by Heidi Durrow.  So this Sunday we just chilled out. We went shopping and found two awesome chairs at Goodwill from Ethan Allen.  One of them needed glue, so they were marked at $5 each.  I have glue and know how to use it.  So we did and I did and it was pretty darn awesome.

I know you've all been wondering how Eleanor is doing.

That cat will never die. Not if I have anything to say about it.

She's been terribly sick.  When I started her on the thyroid medicine, she was throwing up and just not hungry or thirsty.  She rapidly lost weight and my veterinarian was looking at me like "she ain't gonna bounce from this".  Yeah right. I took out all of her hard food and put her on canned, then bought her a bunch of crunchy treats and a few cans of tuna for variety.

It may seem excessive that I'd get up three times per night to feed her, but if I didn't, she would vomit uncontrollably.  And a week later, the vomiting was gone.  A few days after that, I stopped feeding her at night.

And now, a month later, she's gained weight and is probably back to her pre-sickness weight.  She gets her food thrice daily (sometimes four times if she plays her cards right) and gets her medicine twice a day.  It's Prednisone, thyroid medicine and an anti-vomiting medication called Metrocloprimide.  And we have a special way of doing it.  I sing the "It's medicine time" song, then pet her and give her two pills and the dropper of Metrocloprimide, then pet her some more and sing the "Medicine time is over" song and snuggle with her until she purrs.  Please don't judge me. I'm afraid to lose my 17 year old kitty and will do anything in my power to keep her healthy.  Yes, I know it's excessive to some people.  The whole operation takes less than 5 minutes and I think it amuses G to no end.  Not that he'd own up to it.

Why do you insist on pilling me? It's torture! 

In any case, there was a big football game last night.  Seahawks versus 49ers.  Huge rivalry.  Since moving back to Washington, I've renewed my fandom for both the Mariners (that's baseball) and the Seahawks.  I love our Seattle teams.  Alright, I love the OKC Thunder too, but don't tell my Washington friends.  But big game night.  I wanted to watch the game, so I invited my husband to go to a restaurant and eat and watch the game.  He agreed.  My husband hates sports. Sports aren't really his thing to watch, but he went anyway and was very pleasant.  I asked him about it, because I could have certainly called my girlfriends and said I wanted to go with them.  But he said the sweetest thing.  G spent his life around women.  He's a great listener and I encourage those female friendships as much as his male friendships.  You know what he says? He says he doesn't want me to have to feel like my husband doesn't take an interest in my interests.  Frankly, I don't mind that he doesn't enjoy sports, but I do just love him for being willing. Best. Husband. Ever.

Honey, the screen is behind you.  Oh, never mind. 

So we went and ate and I had a beer.  Kind of unusual for me, but it's football.

And just five minutes after we got home, it started to rain.  There was a storm front moving in.  And it heralds the first days of real fall.  Not a hint, not a whiff here and there in the mornings, but real fall.  No more days over 80 in the 10-day forecast.  "And in this moment, among us has broken the reaping season."  We sat on the porch and just watched it rain for awhile.  I sipped chamomile tea and, as it seems to be our custom, we counted our blessings together.  

Break out the sweaters! 

So there you have it. A reprieve from stress and a bunch of rest.  Next Friday I'll take Eleanor in for her follow up appointment to check her thyroid.  The medicine seems to depress her voice, but she has her ways of getting our attention.  As soon as I know something else about the job thingy, I'll let y'all know.  Until then- let's just say no news is good news.

The Move

We have been in Ellensburg for a couple of days now, and I am still trying to catch up on exactly what day of the week it is.  It was a long trip, but we arrived safely.

The day before we moved, I cleaned the everloving hell out of his apartment.  It doesn't matter how long someone has lived in a home, cleaning when you move out is disgusting.  I scoured showers and mopped floors and cleaned the rugs, ceilings and baseboards.  The cabinets got a wipe down and the pantry was the recipient of a very tired once-over.  I felt bad, but there was a lot of stuff that couldn't go with us.  There just wasn't any room. Everything we could take with us had already gone to Norman in a truck and everything we could take would just have to fit in Grey's Hyundai. 

One thing I really like about Grey living in an apartment complex is that whenever I took an item (which I cleaned) to the dumpster, I would put a note on it like "free" or "works" or something like that and within an hour, someone would claim it for their own.  So the vacuum, kitchen table and bookshelves, a television, humidifier and a bunch of records all found a place to be that wasn't a landfill.  And my yoga mat.  The yoga mat hurt the most. 

Grey worked most of that day, then went to get the car serviced for the trip.  We had planned to get out of Tulsa and head for Norman early in the afternoon, but the car service was backed up and we didn't leave until almost 7 that night.  We didn't have time to pick up the trailer that night, but decided to go first thing in the morning as the store opened at 7 am.

I had experimented with medicating Eleanor.  I called my veterinarian for advice and he gave me some ideas beyond prescription medications.  Our first attempt at calming her down for car trips between Tulsa and Norman had no effect.  The natural kitty calm down stuff had no effect except perhaps to piss her off at the thought of having to take medicine she doesn't like.  I tried Benadryl next.  The liquid stuff made her foam at the mouth so on the next trip, I gave her half a pill.  The pill not only made her foam at the mouth, but she also threw up multiple times in Grey's nice new car.  One of the times she threw up (I caught it because I don't want it to get on his car) she puked so hard she also pooped on me.  Poor, poor kitty.  That was a tense, stinky ride.  I started to despair.  We tried just keeping her in her carrier.  She urinated.  Twice. I called my vet and he gave me acepromazine.  It's an antidepressant which mostly makes her sleepy enough that she doesn't care what's going on around her.  And this did the trick.  Once I figured out her dose, I learned her routine and made sure that she slept at my feet- where it was cool and where she couldn't see out the windows to freak out- for the majority of the trip. 

We got a late start on the first day. The Uhaul place didn't have the tow bar thingy that we needed, so we had to go to Autozone to get one.  For what it's worth, I absolutely detest going into a parts store.  They treat women like idiots and it usually takes me 10 minutes to get someone to listen to what I actually need.  As I was in a hurry, I dispensed with the charm and five minutes later, the dazed store manager got us what we needed and even put it on the car for me.  I sort of feel sorry for him, and I think that Grey gained some linguistic respect for my waspish tongue.  Anyway, we got the trailer, threw what was left of our meager possessions in the back, drugged the hell out of the cat and left by 11 in the morning. 

The whole trip took 4 days and it went like this:  At 55 miles per hour, we passed almost nobody.  People sped by and looked at us funny, since a 4-cylinder car should perhaps not be towing a trailer up and down the interstate and over hills.  Every single pull-through scraped the trailer on the ground.  We switched off driving and got used to turning with twice our regular length behind us.  On the mountain passes, where elevation was up to 6,300 feet, we often traveled with the air conditioner off and at 40 miles per hour.  We went through Kansas, West to Denver, then North to Buffalo and through Montana. Then over one more mountain pass in Idaho and home to Washington.  We learned that signs pointing out "chain up" areas meant that a 5-7% grade incline was coming up.  We slowed down and rooted for our car, Silver, to make it over the pass, praising lavishly at the crest of the hill. It became our favorite game. With that and the funny voice that Grey does for Eleanor (he sounds suspiciously like Edith from All in the Family), the trip was on the balance, not such a bad thing.

My hips and back started to hurt. I would sit for hours at a time and only get out to pump gas or run into to a rest stop.  To be sure, I would run, stretch and otherwise try to get blood flow going in those brief moments but it became somewhat grueling to just sit down.  Thank goodness that Grey didn't mind stopping frequently.  Well, he minded, but he did it without complaining.

Missoula, Montana was the highlight of the trip.  It was our last night and we had been on the road for three days.  Besides the breakfasts included in the hotels (thanks to Grey's wonderful pre-planning and reservations), there hadn't been a sit-down meal for the duration.  After driving over the stark beauty of the continental divide and testing out the strength of the car's engine, we were ready for a break. We checked in to the hotel (I highly recommend Ruby's in Missoula) and headed to a place in one of Grey's travel books called "Silk Road".  It's a tapas bar with international food.  You can also buy some of the spices.  We had Moroccan tapas, Mediterranean, Ethiopian.. oh it was good.  For road-weary travelers, hunger added its own flavor.  The people next to us were a young English major and her paramour.  She kept him in thrall with her plans to move to New York and maybe just get a crummy job doing copy editing for The New Yorker magazine while she waits for a book deal or some other such nonsense.  In the meantime, she encouraged the young man to just take a test to become an English teacher since it's a pretty simple job.

Good lord, we were also held in thrall!

The food was out of this world.  I thought I had died and gone to heaven when they brought us the cheese plate.  There was this cave-aged smoked Gouda that just sort of melted in my mouth. They only brought two slices of that so as I ate half of mine, I eyed Grey's.  He wisely guarded it as he tasted the Camembert.  There was a vegetarian stew with dates and eggplant and a fried ravioli with pesto sauce.  Delicious!  Like I said, we were tired and hungry and grateful not to be in a moving vehicle. 

Finally, after seven hours of driving the next day, crossing two time zones and several mountain ranges, we pulled into Ellensburg, Washington.  An idyllic little town of about 30,000 people, it is surrounded on all sides by small and large mountain ranges.  There is little wind despite the claims of the townspeople and plenty of sunshine.  Our house, a duplex of which the other side is the property management office, is a turn of the century two story Victorian with no air conditioning, is charming.  the town is charming and life here is.. charming. 

But more on that later.  For now, we walk to the grocery store, the university and the downtown area.  We have an upstairs and are settling in, ordering some furniture and trying to figure out how two grown-ass people used to having free reign of the house suddenly having to share and compromise.  So much more to do...

The Mighty Eleanor

Our New Digs

Everything We Own In The World

...and so many other adventures!

Animals and Geography

I have been thinking a lot lately of my little old kitty, Eleanor.

It's a trap.  She's going to grab my hand when I pet her.

One would think at the ripe age of 16 she would be dead.  Or incapacitated or frail or somehow mostly dead.

One would be wrong.  She takes medicines twice daily and has learned that when Grey is going to pill her, it behooves her to act cute and maybe purr him up in an effort to get him to not giver her that pill.  In fact, she has quickly learned how to get on his good side, his bad side and that sometimes he will spoil her (if I am not around) by putting her up on top of a book shelf.  She loves to be up high and will forgive almost anything when she is up there.  In turn, Grey has learned that Eleanor is pretty smart for an old cookie. That he can train her for certain actions, like teaching her some manners about sleeping beside his head.

Yes, apparently when I'm not around, she sleeps by him now. Quite adorable for a man who is allergic to almost every cat he has ever met.  Eleanor is only the second cat he has met that he isn't allergic to. Out of respect for my wonderful husband, who has made this effort because he loves me, I will not post pictures.

Do I look like I'd barf on you? 

But it is hilarious.

Anyway, Eleanor has presented me with a challenge.  In 2008, when I moved back to Oklahoma, I promised, promised, promised my little kitty (she was only 12 then) that we wouldn't move across the country again if she would just live through the trip.  I guess I lied, since we are set to once again make the trip to Washington.  During our frequent trips back and forth between Norman and Tulsa, we have been taking Eleanor with us as necessary.  She has apparently gotten much older these last few years as she tummy, bladder and other parts aren't faring well in the car.  I tried letting her out of her carrier, keeping her in the carrier, giving her some calm down remedy and giving her benadryl.

She had a bad reaction to the benadryl.  Really bad. Everything that can come out of a cat, came exploding out of the cat.  Onto me.  So I talked to my vet and he gave me a prescription for her for amitryptilene.  Amitryptilene is actually an antidepressant and so should alleviate her anxiety and/or make her sleep through the trip.  I'm hoping for sleep because she meows all the way there and back.  She didn't use to do this.  She used to sit in the passenger seat, sleeping or looking out the window.  Sometimes she would sing along to the music on the radio.

Grey and I are both anxious about her ability to survive this trip.  For his end, he has mapped out a 4 day, three night driving course to take us on a scenic trip from Oklahoma to Washington through Montana.  It's beautiful and I have driven this way several times.  But I usually make it in two days, whereas Grey has given us 4.  He is making hotel reservations!  This boggles my mind as I just drive until I can't keep my eyes open and then either sleep at a rest stop or find a motel to crash in for a couple of hours.  His way will be much gentler on our poor little kitty.  My job is to keep her sedated.

I went over a contingency plan with Grey last night: If for some reason Eleanor croaks on the road, I'm buying a travel cooler and some ice so that I can take her with us and have her cremated.  Yes, gross.  I know.  But I'm not leaving my cat in a dumpster in Missoula. Like any sane and normal person, Grey's eyes got that "You must be joking" look to them.  Then when he realized that I'm serious, he got that "You aren't joking.  Ewwwww" look.  "Ok."  That's all he said.  Let's hope that she makes it.

He loves snow

In other animal-related news, my awesome and amazing dog, Big, has gone to a new home.  He was graciously taken in by a family I know.  My friend Moon, who was the one who introduced Grey and I, and his wife now own a Norwegian Elkhound/Wolf mix.  Big joins a couple of other dogs, a few cats and four kids.  They are happy to have him and even their youngest son can walk him on leash.  Yeah, Big is a big gentle baby.  The Ingletts will make sure that he is babied too.

Snow is nice, but it's warmer in the house!

It was a difficult decision to not bring Big with me.  We are renting for the first year while I settle things with the house in Oklahoma.  Renting in a small college town means that it's impossible to find a place in the city limits that will accept a giant breed of dog.  No matter where I looked, I ran into the same problem.  So I did the right thing and found him a home.  Lots of people wanted Big and there were many places he have gone.  He is well trained, happy, sweet, gentle and very, very big and hairy. I am lucky to know so many kind-hearted and willing people.   He will be loved, safe and probably never bored!








In thinking of animals, there are some animals in Oklahoma that I will not miss:

Bark Scorpions are venomous.  And creepy!

Cicadas make a soothing sound in the trees but they look scary.

If you ever wondered how to get rid of scorpions, click here!

Nothing really wrong with June Bugs, but they have terrible navigation and tend to fly in to people.  I also found one in my bed a couple of years ago. 

There is one animal that I will greatly miss in Oklahoma: 

Lightning Bugs are the most beautiful sight on spring and summer evenings.

I didn't include a picture of chiggers, even though I know they are one of the most pesky of pesky Oklahoma critters.  Somehow, in my 13 years of life in Oklahoma, I have NEVER been bitten by one.  They are pretty yucky, burrowing into the skin and laying eggs.  The eggs die because people are unfit hosts, but the wounds left are itchy for weeks.  I have a friend who had to have prednisone after a hike with me.  He was itchy for weeks and still has scars on his legs from that excursion.  

While Washington state does not have to deal with all those flying and biting things, we still have rattlesnakes and fleas to contend with.  And bigger things that can eat you or your old kitty, like bears and coyotes.  

I'll keep you updated on Central Washington.  It will be a new experience for me too, since I have lived on either the extreme West coast or the eastern part, but never in the middle.  I'll take lots of pictures and hopefully give an idea of what we will deal with out there.  Can't be that bad, right?  Less than 150 miles to Seattle, over by a ski area and a mountain pass? 

What's the worst that could happen?

A Safe Place

Yesterday, I asked an 8th grade student to carry a slim toad away from our portable buildings.  He or she had gotten into a classroom the night before and was stunned after being manhandled by 18 sixth graders and kicked by one of them.  Gently, the 8th grader picked up said toadling and asked where to put it.  I couldn't really think of anywhere.  In the soccer field there would be children running around after school. The pavement was no good because of hot sun, foot and car traffic and lack of moisture.  The dumpster might be ok but the fence line would only lead to the sidewalk.  We decided on the dumpster and let our hopping friend loose.

Today is the 17th anniversary of the bombing of the Arthur P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City.  On this day so many days ago, in revenge for the ill-conceived and badly ended standoff between the Branch Davidian church group and the U.S. Government.  Timothy McVeigh chose the Murrah building and Oklahoma City as an easy target. The Murrah building was a federal building and housed many beaurocratic headquarters for federal business in the city.  He filled a large truck with homemade explosives and detonated it, killing 168 people- including children in the daycare- and changed the course of Oklahoma history.  Oklahoma, the safe place, was under attack in an act of domestic terrorism. When it came to light that it was a scrawny white guy, a separatist, former military and an American, well, people were stunned. What had we expected, a non-White, non-English speaking, non-graduate of American school systems who held beliefs that were never critically considered?

Last Friday, one of our sixth graders stabbed another sixth grader with a pencil in the shoulder over a bag of skittles.  She had stabbed the victim before the day before but it did not break the skin and the little girl did not report it at the time.  This time, however, the pencil went through a sweater and a shirt and lodged in her skin.  And our alleged perpetrator was so rotten, disrespectful and belligerent that the arresting police officer put cuffs on her and took her past kiddie booking and to a juvenile detention center where she will remain until her arraignment.  Her mother did not go to see her and she is now in a position to get real lessons on how to become a criminal.  She is twelve years old.

I am missing one of my students for the rest of the year as well.  He (allegedly) brought a large amount of illegal substances to school with intent to sell.  Four other students were busted in the boys room smoking a Swisher Sweet with a large amount of cannibis in it.  Gone. Those kids are gone for the year.  I'm not sure why my students are dealing and taking drugs. I figure that reality sucks when you are a teenager and it must really suck to live and go to school in a ghetto with few prospects and teachers who often fundamentally dislike children.  We finally and temporarily replaced our deceased geography teacher. The new lady is nice and blonde and pretty and with sky blue eyes that make me think she might come from Edmond.  The kids have mostly been nice to her, and one drew her a picture which she put outside of her door.  Unfortunately it has gang colors and the drawing is actually of "the shocker" hand gesture.  If you don't know what that is, click here for an eye-opening explanation.  I couldn't find her today so I'll try again tomorrow. I heard one of the 8th grade boys (not my student) said some highly sexual things to her during class, poked a pencil into her lunch and left.  I really hope that is not true.

Students have been roaming the hallways in droves. I took it upon myself to stroll the hallways during classes.  Ok, it's trolling.  My student intern is now competent enough to handle teaching by herself so I walk around looking for kids ditching class. I catch about four per day.  It makes me cranky.  Yesterday, one of my gang-girls was conducting business with her boyfriend's cell phone.  She's really sweet and I like her. I suspect she probably compartmentalizes and gets to be a kid during those classes she attends and a "thug" when she needs to be.

In the meantime, we are doing the OCCT- Oklahoma Core Curriculum Test.  Awesome.  Along with the continued construction, how can we possibly hope to pass those tests?  Yet many of them are.  A good number of my 8th grade students either passed or got outstanding scores on their reading tests.  Next week my 7th graders are up and I expect they will surpass my principal's expectations but not my own.  I want better for them.

Yes, yes I do. I want better for my kids and I am frustrated and fighting mad.  What does it matter if my kids can think critically or read and write their asses off if the end result is not going to change?  Necessity trumps luxuries like novels and me and my little narratives cannot compete with the immediate relief of getting high. Sometimes I feel like a fool for even trying. The world, as illustrated by Timothy McVeigh, is not as trustworthy as it might once have been. My students are stunned toads with no safe place to go but dumpsters. At least there is food and moisture there, even if it smells.  All I can do is keep guard and provide hope.

Quiet

I've been thinking a lot about quiet lately.  I admire a quality in Grey that I wish I had and that's his ability to rest effectively. I wake up in the morning with sixty things on my mind. I want to write and have a list of tasks to accomplish.  The first task is to make a mental list of the things I need to do.  Then I prioritize them and begin worrying about what I will and will not get done that day.  Thirty seconds later I am out of bed and  making coffee. He seems to wake up and open his eyes.  Then he says "Good morning". Sometimes he even goes back to sleep (of all things!).  

Sometimes at night I can't sleep, for all of the things I need to do, the things I haven't done and the endless stream of humanity I have yet to help flow along. I need to grade a set of papers, go running, buy more healthy food, stop drinking so much coffee (I say as I pause to take a sip of the steaming liquid) and somehow find and apply for professorships.  The consequences of not doing so many things seems grave.  Students won't get timely feedback and their next papers will suck.  If I don't find a better job I am going to keep getting bronchitis from all of the things floating in the air at my current job.  If I don't do a better job of planning curriculum, my kids aren't going to pass their CRT's.  If I don't do the layout of the newsletter, nobody will feel connected to each other at work.  Etcetera, etcetera and so on and so forth until I worry about becoming unemployed.  Then things really take off.

If I'm unemployed, I could lose my house and if that happens, I won't have any friends left.  I don't know how those two things work; they just do in my tornado brain.  If I am jobless, homeless and friendless, then I will end up living out of a shopping cart with my little old Eleanor in the child seat and a machete. And for some inexplicable reason in this particular nightmare fantasy, I am also wearing pink crocs.  You can't hack at someone with a machete and run away in pink crocs.  It just wouldn't make sense.

I remember living six miles out in the country, away from our small town of 3,500 people. Our nearest neighbors were in the next gulch. We had a phone but no television reception. I loved the quiet. I read and painted and explored the out of doors. I had a 35# recurve bow that I got pretty good at shooting.  I slept in some mornings and worked very hard but seemed to have time for the things I needed and wanted to do. Not much company out there, save the elk and deer and rattlesnakes.  But plenty of time to think while uninterrupted.

Like I said, sometimes I need to just do nothing.  It's not that I'm lazy or depressed even, just busy as all get out and in desperate need of a break.  For the past, oh I don't know, maybe ten years, I have rushed from job to after-job-job, to school to home to fitness to animal care to homework and finally to bed.  I don't think I've put enough of my energy into taking time to develop relationships, to calm the inner beast or to just sit still and rest. I used to visit my grandparents twice a year.  In their home there was no wifi and few distractions.  My favorite times were those when my grandma and I would visit with one another and talk over coffee.  But it always seemed to be outside of my regular life.  And I aim to change that about myself.

Last night, Grey and I went to Hastings.  He took some time to explore the store- Tulsa doesn't have a Hastings anymore and I think he greeted this one like an old friend.  I went to the coffee shop and ordered a tea, sat and read a book for almost two hours. They have a fireplace there and I set up camp not across but directly beside it.  I caught myself smiling, engrossed in the adventures of Anne Shirley, and occasionally was distracted only by the visage of the man himself checking in on me.  It was lovely and quiet. And when we got home, we made salad and talked, then read some more with some chamomile tea and Eleanor tucked between us on the sofa.

I have things to do.  School will start again on Wednesday. But I'm going to start unplugging at home more often. Probably I will turn off my phone on weekends except to make phone calls and maybe I will even restrict internet access on weekends too.  I ought to have time now to manage my work life during the week.  No more grad school for me- I've learned my lessons. And now it's time to learn once again about quiet.

Weighing In

I spent Thanksgiving in Tulsa this year.  I usually spend the week before Thanksgiving counting all of the things I am grateful for.  It really does take a week since I am very, very lucky and blessed.  Grey's family invited me over for dinner at their house and the day after Thanksgiving was spent at Patricia and Carter's. I was most excited because it's our first major holiday and I just knew it was going to be eventful.  I was right.

Grey's family was just lovely.  There were grown ups and kids running around and his brother surprised everyone by coming in from Atlanta unexpectedly for the holiday.  I made chocolate chip cookies, which turned out very well and earned the seal of approval from the nieces.  The youngest niece ate the most.  His Grandma was there too, which made me miss my grandma a bit.  I know it's been since March, but I did not take time to mourn and the pain is still fresh. Grey's Grandma said I was pretty and asked if I liked to cook.  Someone remarked that they thought it brave of me to just come to a family gathering and say hello.  It was not much of a risk, really.  Grey is a wonderful and kind person and he told me that his family is also wonderful and kind.  Doesn't sound much like razor wire and backstabbing to me.  The most traumatic event was getting slobbered on a bit by the resident shih tzu, who wanted me to play, play, play.  Yeah, pretty nice time.  We ate too much food and went home.

We Ate How Much?! 

And then the next day...

We showed up at Patricia's at noon.  I tried a new pumpkin fondue recipe which called for kirsch.  That's some sort of cherry brandy and the cherry brandy I bought turned out to be far too strong.  So the fondue was a bust.  But that's ok.  I hopped in the kitchen with Patricia and Grey did table preparations.  For about an hour and a half we did our thing and I helped her whip up a hell of a meal.  One of the 12 people is allergic to everything under the sun except for water and some sort of South California raisin.  Another is gluten intolerant and a third is just very picky.  Patricia did research and planned out a meal that everyone would be able to eat and also enjoy.  I do love cooking with her.  This is an art sadly being lost in the United States, where people cook together and prepare communal meals.  For women especially in the culture where I grew up, this is how we bond.  We kick the men out and talk and work and laugh and gossip.  It's good for my soul.  Perhaps this shows my age, but I pity a generation of women who do not know how to talk to each other face to face.  But with help from Grey and Carter, we fed everyone who showed up.  I think it was closer to 14 guests.

So we all sat down to eat.  Grey does not feel brave.  He has met the Hargraves before and he is not a shy person.  This would be the opposite of such an introvert as me.  It took me several years just to coax me to have dinner with them after karate practice.  And at the head of the table, Carter is making jokes about me because I'm full and it's about three bites into the dinner.  That's the other thing: cooks never starve.  So I threw my knife at him.  Everyone knows that Carter and I fight. It's what we do. I wasn't going to hit him with it. It was plastic. It landed near the three year old so Grey took my knife away.  I sort of smirked at that; there are at least 5 other knives much sharper than that one in the room where we were eating.  But alright.  And he thought I was being brave by going to his family's dinner...

Later I was washing up dishes and heard a call from outside.  The corg's were going at it with each other.  Welsh Corgi's are territorial.  If a new person comes along, each would claim that person as their own and these two always believe that the best way to settle disagreements is by biting the ever-loving shit out out of each other.  It was a duel to the death because of the guests did not know this. She took the three year old to the back yard to entertain him. I all but tossed the kid over the fence and set about separating the fang-locked lovers.  Carter ended up having to grab one and I grabbed the other and we pulled in opposite directions.

There was a clear winner and loser in all of this.  Bella, the little one, was also the loser.  She was bleeding from several spots on her ears and a few on her neck.  She was visibly shaken and breathing hard.  We put the bigger one, Camilla, in her kennel while I cleaned up Bella. Ears bleed a lot.  I had Carter holding her so I could clean the wounds and she shook her head, spraying me and Carter in the face with bright red drops.  At some point, and for no apparent reason as this is how my friend shows his affection, Carter kicked Grey in the butt.  Not hard and with a silly smile on his face, but still I was mortified.  Now that I think about it, that is probably why he did it. To mortify me. Awesome.  But nothing seems to ruffle Grey much. So we ate too much food and went home. I think he was pretty brave and also pretty affable to suffer the slings and arrows (knives?) of my kinda people.



Sure there was exercise during the course of the five day weekend, but seriously, I consumed too many calories.  So this week is a weaning back to regular eating and lots of good exercise and fresh air before gearing up for the Christmas season, which will bring graduation, my sisters in town for their first visit in ten years and hopefully, a joyeux noel.