Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I want comfort today. It rained last night and made me sleep really well. I love rain. I've loved rain since my days in the Pacific Northwest. I love the rain smell. It reminds me of simplicity and happiness and not having perfect hair or make up. I slid my feet into my slippers this morning for office hours and had eight students come see me for discussion of their papers. It was normal and relaxing.

I want comfort food. I made my favorite pesto and pasta for dinner. I had lemon tea with a friend. It's good to have a good friend to talk to; better than a snuggie or a warm fire. The only thing that could be better is if it were raining and there was a fire, some tea and a snuggie and good company like that. Yeah.

I want these things because Luke and I broke up a few weeks ago and I'm still sort of getting used to that idea. I mean, he hasn't left the house yet, but we've established our own spaces and routine over the last month and are taking time so that it's not overly traumatic.

Sound weird? I guess so. It's not a dramatic break up. I don't do drama anymore. In the grand scheme of things, drama lies pretty low at the end of the spectrum of things I'm willing to spend energy on. I like Luke. We get on well. I love his family~ they're all good people who have treated me very well. I'm going to to miss them and that part is painful. And the dog. Mia is so sweet. And so I'm not just mourning a relationship; I'm mourning the loss of several things simultaneously. I just hope they aren't angry with me.

It's a good reason for a break up though. His career and family are centered in Oklahoma City and my circumstances and interests lie outside of the area. Not much of a remedy for that. So we're calling it good without dragging things out. You hit a wall, you find a way around or turn and go in another direction.

So I've sought comfort in friends and solace in work and familiarity in routine. Eleanor has become much more affectionate. She keeps waking me up in the middle of the night, wanting attention. I've got scratches on my arms and one on the back of my neck. Silly cat. I know that anyone else would toss the kitty off the bed, but she really means well. She sleeps on the other pillow now too. And lately I want the things that are gentle and loving and bring me back to the here and now so I don't slip too deep into contemplation.

I don't often ask for anything from anybody. I've leaned on my girlfriends a lot lately to distract or to tell me things will be ok. Fact is that they will be ok. I'm alright being alone. I'm good at it. I need a roommate, so let me know if you think of anyone good. Or even ok, as long as they aren't slobs. :-)

I do have a question for my readers: what do you do for comfort? Do you cook, clean and read a good book or write maudlin poetry? Do you drink, party and get a pedicure? Tell me; I'd like to know.

Take care,


  1. At a point in my life when things were very difficult -- I had left my husband and taken our two children back to the US -- I seemed to live on music. U2 helped heal me, I firmly believe :).

    I inhaled music -- turned it on in the morning as I readied for class (I was taking 21 hours that semester), listened to it as I helped my grandmother & father (who were living w/ me, my 2 children, my sister's 2 children whom I was caring for, and my mother...), steadied myself by it as I drove to university, and then calmed myself by it as I prepared to study after everyone else lay dreaming...

    Music. That's what got me through...

  2. I too am coping with being ok with being alone. However, I've been alone since January. It was difficult for many months. The spring time especially kills me with all of its new blossoms in flora and in relationships. Some I how I made it through though and it looks like with Summer's end brings an end to my feelings of desperation. I feel good being by myself now and I am once again becoming used to the deep personal intimacy with which you can only become accustomed by being alone for a good solid chunk of time.

    But to cope? To coddle, to comfort myself? I revel in the art of cinema. I have my Netflix account and I actively utilize the Watch Now feature. Lately I have been blowing through the first 3 seasons of Stargate Atlantis. It's really a lot of fun to have the kind of free time to undertake such an endeavor. Also, I really take comfort in my internet friends. I belong to an online community unlike many I have ever encountered. It's a message board, mainly, and the people I talk to on there constantly relieve my stress with funny posts, ridiculous photos, and silly youtube videos. I've known some of them since 2002, it's staggering when you stop to think about it. I have meaningful interactions with people I have never met in real life and have done so almost a decade!

  3. Ez..I actually love being alone. I've done it for several years. Perhaps I'm too good at it... but I like to think there is hope for me too.

  4. I paint, draw, write poetry or write songs on the acoustic guitar. I really like to play the guitar when I'm hurting pretty bad.

    Oh, and feel free to drop by & hang out anytime. If you want a change of venue or something or just want to chat. Whatever. Just want to let you know our door is open.

  5. Omigosh - I finally-finally clicked the link to your blog! You are amazing and have moved three places higher on my list of teacher-writer-heroes. :) I've skimmed and perused -found the blog when Luke moved in and the one about his moving out. You're handling loss and honoring your grief with such grace - by being real. And you ask about comfort.

    Anyways... here's how I comfort myself: I eat. A lot. And I lose myself in crazy TV shows like Criminal Minds and Project Runway. I can also check my Facebook a gazillion times.. But who am I kidding - those are just ways to escape or procrastinate. For bona fide comfort. When I'm seeking comfort in healthy ways, I write in my journal, like you write in your blog - just not so eloquently. My entries begin w/ a salutation to God and a feeling check... then I get real and ask for guidance. I also do like you, seek solace in good friends who understand loss and broken-ness and how to listen.

    So glad I finally found my way to your blog!